Was DP mean to DS?

[TillyToon]

DS is 8. DP and I have been together for 5 years.

DS still wets the bed fairly regularly. He now has an alarm which helps but I’ve just realised it’s not been working properly for the past week.

It does get annoying and I let off steam to DP about it.

Yesterday I had to wash all DS’s bedding. He came down at bedtime and I heard him tell DP he had no blanket. DP replied in a cold matter of fact way ‘you don’t have one because you wet the bed and you’re mum’s had to wash all your bedding’.

I felt this was a bit insensitive and pulled DP up on it. He says he’s heard me get annoyed with DS about it before and that older DS (11) has told DP that DS (8) drinks water from the bathroom tap at night and turns his alarm off. I don’t think either of those things are true or if they are it’s not a regular thing.

It turned into a row and DP and I are now not talking.

Am I overreacting?

Yes to be fair to your DP you are overreacting? Sounds like you have got annoyed at DS before so you can't then act outraged when DP reacts in an off hand manner? You said yourself that he was "matter of fact" with DS - it's not like he shouted at him or belittled/humiliated him about it?

I think I’m a bit oversensitive as he has embarrassed him about it before.

At the dinner table DS asked for water (he’s not allowed to drink after 5pm) and DP said ‘No, because you wet the bed’. It was in front of his siblings and he was ashamed. I pulled DP up on it and he hasn’t done it since.

Still not ok. He is not DS father and it was totally insensitive. And now he is sulking? Wow.

You don't allow your child to drink after 5pm?!

He is not DS father

Irrelevant if in bringing her DP into the child's lives and living with them as a family she has also said he can do the role of a father in the home

You can't decide arbitrarily when it is and when it isn't ok for him to have a role in the kids life

I wouldnt withhold drinks. I would allow him clear fluids and prompt him to go to the toilet through the night.

Your DP has maybe heard your frustrations and tried to put this to your DS. Thinking he was helping so hard to know really.

He was just stating a fact surely?

Why is he not allowed to drink after five? When does he go to bed? He may well be drinking from the tap if he's thirsty.

The Ds needs to know it's thoroughly inconvenient when he keeps on wetting the bed. He shouldn't be drinking after bedtime. My 6yo dgs' still wears nappies at night. I think you need to apologise to DP.

My DS wet the bed until two weeks after I chucked STBXH out. He hasn't done so since apart from twice, when he stayed with his father and his father teased / belittled / berated him and he was embarrassed / ashamed. He didn't tell his 'D'F, he told me when he returned home.

I made a point to never bring it up out with the "ok let's change your sheets" at night; I used large pads and double sheeted (mattress protector; pad; sheet; pad; sheet) so it was easy peasy to manage overnight wetting.

He will grow out of it - but please don't berate or begrudge him this. It's just one of those things. Maybe just talk with your OH and decide together not to refer to it any further?

Oh and I withheld water for a time after 5/6pm - it didn't make a blind bit of difference. He will grow out of it I assure you. One of my friends is a paediatric consultant and shaming kids / withholding fluids from those who wet the bed is a completely pointless exercise - her eldest snapped out of it overnight at 9yo.

You both need to have word with yourselves! Why have you got annoyed with DS for wetting the bed? It is something he really cannot help, does not know how to stop and his embarrassment should make you realise if he could stop he would.

An active kid would get thirsty if not allowed to drink after 5pm and thirst/dehydration is not a good recipe for sound sleep.

If you really can't stop yourself from making him feel like an inconvenience, give him the tools to deal with it himself in the night such as a pile of clean sheets and a bag to put wet ones in. Use the disposable dry nites bed sheets too.

I think you need to sit your DS down and make an effort to make him feel that it's OK and you'll both work out a system together.

Then you need to tell your DP that your BOTH going to be more sensitive

I was told by the school nurse to increase fluids during the day and cut them out in the evening. It has helped a lot.

After the age of 7 you can ask for a referral to enuresis clinic, they are brilliant our now older son wasn't taking on enough water throughout the day and the advice is to increase liquid intake through the day, (sticking to water /milk ideally) then discourage drinking about an hour before bed. It has worked for us as he wasn't waking in the night to get up to use the toilet as he was in too deep a sleep. I think you may be a bit over sensitive about it with your dp but can understand why, as dealing with the sheets regularly can be very frustrating and upsetting for all

But what if he's thirsty? I don't know how you could refuse him a drink, really awful imho. I understand not allowing pints of water before getting into bed but no fluid after 5pm is extreme and I can't imagine how the poor lad feels when he is getting into trouble for something that happens when he is ASLEEP. These things can be made worse if the child is anxious and if he is being denied water when thirsty and then being told off then it's being made into an ever bigger issue. Why not try a different approach and totally relax about it? He will grow out of it so why not try and build him up in all the areas where he is doing well and not allow bed wetting to be a problem in his life