What I wish I'd known as I went through marital separation and divorce

[Nogoodwithgoodbyes]

Hello. I'm still quite new to Mumsnet and I hope ye don't mind my being here as I'm sadly not a mum. However, I'm going through a marital separation (still living with my H until I find somewhere). On another thread I started, someone wrote: ‘I honestly do know exactly how you're feeling and I just wish that you could see where you'll be this time next year if things progress.’ I felt so reassured by that. So, it got me thinking:

• What do you wish you had known when you were in the thick of it?
• I'm very much in the thick of it now. H is very moody with me and at times, I feel so scared to push on and move out. I feel like I'm surrounded by couples with children and I can feel so lonely. Other times, I feel hopeful about the future and inspired by other people's happiness.

Would anyone who is a year or two (or maybe more) on from a separation/divorce be able to tell me (and there must be others who will benefit too) just how much better life can get post-divorce?

Thank you so much. xx

One more thing- Get a good solicitor. Ask people. I had a really terrible, inept one at the start, and wasn't strong enough to deal with complaining about him or calling him on his ineptitude. I had to get a new one when mine just stopped replying to my calls/emails, and I found out he's lied and lied about letters he'd sent out etc. My solicitor now is so bloody great.

Going through this now. Reading it all makes me have a little hope. I feel like my world has ended.

Divorced 5 years, ex left for ow. (yes, another one of those) 🙄. I would sau in terms of the divorce itself, remember he is not on your side, he is not your friend and no longer has your best interests at heart. This will likely get worse with time so do the financials asap.
On the personal front, accept it will be hard but its a phase in life, one of many, and one that you will survive. Short term, find your coping strategies, whether thats work, exercise, shit tv, whatever and let yourself switch off from it all regularly. Allow youtself a set time to wallow, monologue in your head, cry etc but put a boundary on it and a new life will slowly emerge.

The hardest part is getting used to being alone but also realising that you are better off alone, or at least not being with someone who doesn’t love you. 19 months after my wife left I’m in a better place mentally and financially, loving being a full time single dad and while it would be good to be with someone again, I can make plans for mine and my kids future properly without wondering if we will be let down.

Thanks for all the really great advice & honesty. It means the world to me. I’ll be re-reading again & again in the coming months as I know the process has only just begun.

@Nogoodwithgoodbyes it's been 2 years now, how are you getting on? I'm at the start of a sepation and divorce and have found your thread. I hope everything's been working out for you