40th birthday divorce

[justranout]

It's my 40th today. Two weeks ago dh said he wasn't in love with me any more. We've limped on. He's not left but I don't know why.

Have persuaded him to see relate on Thursday but he doesn't see any way to fix it.

But this morning he got annoyed with me as he thought we could have a family day out (dc have been looking forward to it) and I'm angry. He wants to pretend to be happy families and we're not. He says it's my fault for not putting the kids first and I don't understand how can this be my fault?

I've taken the kids out. Oldest is confused but heard the arguing and saw me crying this morning. Trying to keep it together for them.

Sorry. I'm having a pity party today. Was put on sertraline almost two weeks ago but I don't think theyve kicked in. Any advice would be really appreciated.

Firstly happy birthday!!!

What shit timing for this to happen, not that there’s ever a good time I suppose... I think you should enjoy today as best you can, do you have any friends or family who you could see this evening maybe?

Then from tomorrow get a plan of action, if it’s over or if you both want to work at it.

Wishing you the best of luck!

My dh also ruined my 40 th.
He was my exh before my 41st.
Best decision ever op.

You won't like this advice...

Relate probably won't work.

Kicking him out will.

He doesn't love you any more but wants to carry on living together and playing happy families when it suits him, until it suits him?

Tell him you've spent the day thinking and this situation doesn't work for you, he needs to leave and you'll be getting legal advice this week. Keep the appointment with Relate and tell him you're going with or without him.

Tell him to leave now and (if you want him to) you stand a good chance of him coming back tail between his legs.

Happy birthday! I hope family or friends are taking you out?

Happy Birthday!!!
They say life begins at 40!
I would celebrate today with your children, and possibly extended family if they're around. From tomorrow see this the turning point in your life to move onwards and upwards. Leave your husband to his own devices, he's instigated the situation so you won't be together for much longer, so he's best getting used to it!
Start as you mean to go on.

OP - kick him to the curb. Why is he in control of this and your emotions? If he wants to leave, he needs to go NOW, not when it suits him. Be selfish - it's your birthday!

You can't make someone love you i'm afraid, if you can tell these feelings are gone, don't let him use you anymore.

Happy Birthday and stay strong lady!

Happy birthday, have a great day!

My STBXH decided to tell me he was leaving me 3 days before we flew home for his mum's surprise 60th birthday party....then it was my fault that i was "off" with his family and created a tense/awkward atmosphere because I refused to walk around and pretend to play happy families for the week . I now realise nearly 3 years later it was totally done to make me look like a bitch whilst he was acting normal, laughing and joking etc. Men are dicks.

What shit timing. Has he done this to get out of planning something nice for you or making effort? He’s done a great job of derailing your big day and making it all about him. What a prick. Tell him to leave

Thank you all so much.

I took the dc to the cinema as I figured it was an easy option. I don't think anyone enjoyed the film though!

Just sitting in car before we go back. I know you're right. And if I was sitting here reading this I'd be telling the op to tell him to get out then. But it's not that easy when it's happening to you.

I don't know what we're going to do if he plays nasty. He literally earns 10x as much as me. I earn pennies part time. And one of the jobs I have is with his company so I can assume that's going to end.

I can't afford the council tax let alone the mortgage. I have to get dc2 into school for sept and I don't know where to sign him up for. I can't afford to live here if we split.

And I feel old. I can't believe I'm 40. I look 50 today though. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I'm a mess! I'm going to take the dc back. He can look after them while I have a bath. I haven't had a bath in years. It's such a bloody luxury.

Thank you all. It means a lot having you here

Thinking of you OP, sending hugs and strength. X