30 days no contact

[SpiralsoftheMind]

Hey
Haven't seen a post about this in a while, so really hoping for some support/similar experiences.
My ex has ended our relationship as he has a lot going on in his personal life (ex Wife and children commitments) and I am absolutely devastated and simply cannot stop texting and messaging him, obviously getting no reply.

I have read about this 30 days no contact idea, but really struggling to go 2 days nevermind 30. Feel totally desperate and even considering waiting outside his work to accidentally "bump" into him (I won't because I know it's absurd) but just feel as if I will never forget about him and feel okay. Advice needed :(

Hey, glad to hear you're sticking to it! I almost wrote a painfully long text last night, but managed to talk myself out of it.
Haven't slept very well but hopefully work will take my mind off things. How have you found the last 7 weeks? X

Try writing the text in notes on your phone. Just don’t send it. It helps me

.I KNOW NC works because ive done it before but as someone said its like an addiction, you have to break yourself away. best of Luck OP, feels better to know im not going through this alone. xxx

Change his name in your phone to '27' (or however many days are left)
Then tomorrow change it to '26'
and so on and so on. When you are strong enough, delete, delete,delete.

Sadly 'no response IS a response' - I hope you feel better soon

keep going OP, every minute is a minute farther away from this pain.

Well done OP. You're doing great. I too am at the same stage as you so I completely feel your pain. I find having no contact almost unbearable. It's like I can't breathe when I think about us breaking up. How can someone who's been in your life just drop out of it? How can that just be normal?

You do sound lovely. Keep going, my love.

It's like I can't breathe when I think about us breaking up. How can someone who's been in your life just drop out of it? How can that just be normal?
yes..^^ the new normality. its fucking horrible

Update:
We work in the same area, and en route home today his car pulled up to me in the next lane. I believe he noticed my reg.plate and sped ahead, then turned off, clearly to avoid me 😭
I feel so broken.
What are the chances of us both being on that road at the same time.
This is awful

@tiredgirl123 how long did it take you to feel normal?

it takes as long as it takes OP, don't focus on him or his twattish actions.. focus on you

I wish I could say I feel normal now..but I don't, sorry @SpiralsoftheMind but I have full fucking faith that this will come..
Hang in there, what happened today was shitty for you, hopefully made you more mad than sad and you dont want to text.. hes just shown you another reason to not want to have contact with him..
Big hugs xx

Hope NC is going well for everyone.

I have to work with mine so will see him around until he find another job (which he was already looking for pre our split)

Before I got married I had a relationship which ended slowly and painfully. He wanted me back a few times before deciding (yet again) actually he wanted to be single, but kept me just close enough to hang on.

The first time we broke up after 3 years together, I used to text him a lot like you did, I simply couldn't help myself. One day he replied simply with "listen, I'm sorry but the fact is I do not love you anymore". I remember exactly where I was when I got it and it was probably the hardest thing I've ever read but in time, it really helped me move on. He didn't love me and he didn't need me and there is no point in you wasting your time with someone who doesn't want you back.

How long were you with him? Were there any clues before he dumped you, not that that matters. If there was anyway to get him back it's to ignore him. I'm not saying you should do that to get him back but chasing him is not the answer. I think he should have been a little more honest about how he really felt. Your reaction is normal. Just text to yourself or write messages down in a book not to him.

Rejection is awful - just awful. Contacting him will not make him want you. He has made his decision. Allow him to walk away and take time to heal. Be with someone who wants you. You will know.

I cringe at several encounters in my 20's. The guys clearly wanted no more than sex and I pathetically pushed for more. I was damaged and did everything back to front- sex first then expected a relationship. I made it too easy because I had no self worth. They liked me enough to sleep with me but not for a relationship, not to meet their parents or friends or to take me out.

Hey guys just checking in.

Had a terrible evening on Tuesday and ended up texting "are we really over or can we chat sometime next week" to which he replied "chat next week."
I shouldn't have done this because I know that even if we were to recconcile he would treat me just as poorly and no doubt finish the relationship again in a couple of months. Advice needed.
I would absolutely love to see him and miss him dearly, but my head says this will 100% make it worse.
I have no replied to the text and unsure what to do, no doubt next week I will text him being like " so about this chat, shall I come and meet you?" Which is probably the worst thing to do when I know I need to get over him. God this turmoil is awful

Hi OP
I totally sympathise with those feelings of desperation, of not being heard, and the situation being suddenly out of your control.

You have done the wrong thing, by contacting him, he is probably trying to placate you at this point. Or, knows he has the upper hand so as you predict, he will treat you terribly.
You really need to try and back off.
I did the same when this happened to me. Thought if i could just get him to meet me he would see how amazing i was and how good we are together and he would change his mind.
He agreed to meet me but i found the strength to cancel the meet up as i knew i would cry, be a mess, and it would just make it all worse.
I wanted to get the upper hand back and had to get strong to do that... so i stopped contacting him and got myself together.
By the time i had myself together (about 3 weeks) i didnt want him anymore... and felt embarrassed by my past behaviour.
He, however, kept texting... his last text to me was on new years eve last year. He sent me a "happy new year" moments after my 'new' dp told me he loved me.
I never replied...

You can do this OP!

NC is the only way forward OP.
Stop thinking you can fix this.

Thank you both for your response @BlondeBarnOwl given me hope for sure.
It's a strange feeling currently because it's like something has died, I'm just sat waiting constantly not being able to get on with my life , difficult to explain. But because my entire thoughts are about this, I feel like I'm.not moving forward with anythjng, it's just all at a stand still.

Thank you Jayne, I know you are correct

The more you allow your mind to control you. By constantly thinking of him, the harder it is.

You need to keep busy, you need to try and limit the thoughts as best as you can.

The other part is, say you now meet him and talk it through. You will never be happy, he made no effort to put this right, he made no effort to try and get you back. You will always feel like you forced his hand and doubt his motives.

You need to do NC for you, that's the purpose of it. Even if you say ok after 30 days I'm going to text him. So you know you can after 30 days.

Well he cancelled. So serves me right

I've been there too; we all have. You just absolutely have to delete his number. Just do it, like ripping off a plaster. Once it's done, it's done. Then delete threads so you can't retrieve it from your call history. Have you ever had someone keener on you than you are on them? I was the one to call it a day after a few dates for the first time recently (I was always the one binned previously!) and it was then that I really got it, what it feels like to receive a text you just don't want to get. It sounds callous, but if you don't want someone and they're messaging you, it's just a nuisance, it doesn't make you wistful and likely to change your mind, every text you're digging your own grave. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be unkind, but it's self preservation. You have to look after You; it's your life, it's precious.

Definitely delete his number and block on all sm.

Then think of a guy who fancied you, but you were thinking yuk no way. Thinking your ex sees you like that should help you stop texting him.

If you feel the urge to text him, text a family member something kind instead.

Read "it's called a breakup because it's broken". I read it after I got dumped out of the blue after a 6 year relationship and it was a huge huge help.