Please help me word seperation for a 5 and 7 year old

[Louise000000]

Living as friends and will be until next year anyway. Wasn't planning on telling kids but we are in a small village and one of my best friend's partners has said in work how me and my dh have split! So annoyed at him tbh
So now I feel like i want to explain something to kids before they hear it in playground etc
How would I go about this? Please help!

Could I go along the lines of 'mummy and daddy are a bit different than other mummies and daddies because instead of sharing a bed and having kisses and cuddles together, we are more like best friends who both love you all so much and save all our kisses and cuddles for you?
And just leave that there
Opinions?

are you sharing a Bed with someone you'd rather not be?

Either way I'd be as honest as possible, with them & yourselves x

I love you and Daddy loves you, that will never change.
Sometimes 2 grown ups that are a Mummy and a Daddy together decide that they don't want to be (insert married/boyfriend/girlfriend here) anymore, they just want to be good friends but still love their children.
Daddy and I have decided we don't want to be (insert here) anymore but we are really good friends and we love you no matter what.

Then go on to explain current foreseeable setup in simple terms and keep communicating with them, even if they accept it on the surface, keep talking to them about it.

My son was 4 when I split up from his dad..... And I pretty much used the script above... I explained that he would have a bedroom at my house and a bedroom at his dad's house and explained he would still see his dad regularly and go and stay with him.

Everyone's situation is different but they will sense something is amiss anyway so the best thing to do is to explain things to them and offer reassurance they will still spend time with their dad and you as well.

Hope that helps.... Good luck for the future. Xx

I personally think that sounds like it could be very confusing for them.
It's far better to be more straightforward about it. It also sounds like maybe they could blame themselves then thinking that if you cuddled them less you might have some left for daddy.

I think I would just tell them for now that mummy and daddy aren't going to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.

It is a slightly more complicated situation due to the fact that neither of you are moving out right now, the kids may know some kids with separated parents so they may ask is daddy going to move out? Do you know what you'll say?

Goodness don’t use that description it’s so airy fairy the 5 year old won’t get it. Also, different from other mummies and daddies? They will both know families from school that come in all diff shapes and sizes. You need to be honest in age appropriate wAy.

My parents divorced when I was six. I remember my mum sitting me down and asking me if I knew what divorce meant - I did!

Don't pussyfoot around it - you'll just confuse them more. Kids want to know what is going to happen practically. Obviously make it clear that you still love them both, but tell them straight: Mummy and Daddy can't live together anymore. We/Mummy/Daddy will be moving to X house and you will spend X time at this house and X time at that house. You will still do X, Y and Z, but with Mummy or Daddy, not both, etc etc.

I think this is an awkward situation, because if you're splitting up and one person is moving out it should happen pretty quickly. The kids shouldn't be counting down the days or worrying about when one parent is moving out. It could also put you in an awful position if they are upset and beg you to stay living in the same house, so it should be done like ripping off a plaster.

What worked for us was not saying anything until we had a VERY clear idea of where we were going to live and how often, when and where contact was going to take place.

If they know what is going to happen asnd that you both will continue to be in their lives and how, they will be fine. Uncertainty is a killer whether you are 2 or 40 years old.

“Save all our kisses and cuddles for you”

Please D O N ’ T use that. Is somewhat toxic, makes them feel guilty about the break up and restrict your future relationships and casts a bad perception on the kids about what relationships are about.

I'm not sure about the UK but where I am there is a support service in some schools for children dealing with bereavement or family separation. If you can find something similar in the UK they might have some leaflets or be able to provide you with some guidance over the phone about how to deal with it.

There is but it is very basic and post break up (more about helping deal with the grief of a divorce than preparing them for it.

There is a very good book I cannot recommend highly enough “Putting Children First: a manual for separated families”
It shows many thing you can do and consider to help you to parent the kids successfully as a separated couple. You can get it from Amazon

I don;t like that wording at all OP. It's confusing and you may get new partners at some stage.

I agree that being straightforward is best. Say: We are getting divorced. That means we are not husband and wife any more but we are still your parents and we always will be. Daddy is looking for a new flat/house and you will have a bedroom there too.

Just be honest but stress that you both still love the dc's and they come first. If you have a spare room then obviously say daddy is going to sleep in the spare room for now (then broach moving out when it happens) if you are still in the same room it's messy, but you could say daddy is going to find a new house but he loves you lots