Social media after domestic violence?

[AmaiyaGrace1]

Been told not to use social media because of my abusive ex (violent stalker). It's been 2 years now. How long am I meant to do this for? It is impacting me socially and at my work. Thanks

There won't be a blanket time limit you can apply as your ex could look you up at any time, and you need to weigh that up against the restriction.

How do you feel about the risk? You are in control of this. Some people would never feel comfortable being on SM, some people would just take a break. What comes up if you google yourself now?

Not much. I feel like my life is on hold though. Can't do what I want with my business and work, I want to be self employed but putting an ad out seems a risk. It's been so long now I feel like He's still controlling me. It makes me feel on edge all the time and I have to factor him into my decisions. I just want to be able to live my life again. I don't want to hide forever. I did nothing wrong, why am I having to live half a life?

Just seems so wrong

Can you not set up a Facebook account but not use your full name, maybe first and middle name? I.e jabe Louise? I’m sure you can set your profile to hidden so you can’t be searched for within Facebook or appear on google search results. This might make you feel safer?

None of my friends or clients be able to find me either though

You will always be vulnerable. But it's been a long time now.

You should be ok. Be careful who you friend.

This is the thing, I want to start my own business soon and it feels like I can't because of fear of him trashing the place or Trolling me if I advertise, but also I feel like it would be a proper ending to be able to live a more normal life again. I get that I'm never going to be care free the way I was before, but I don't think that people really understand the impact of giving up all Social media forever

He may do that bit you can remove any comments

Could you set up your profiles then immediately search for him and block him so that he can't see your pages?

Oh he may have up to 30 socks.

There are quite a lot of people in jobs which mean they cannot use social media.
If you want to then very strict privacy controls and an alternative name need to be used.
You then contact your friends and family with the name version you are using.
If you want to start a business online again don't use your real name or photograph.
You just have to make sensible changes to protect yourself.

I'm with @AbbieDabbieDoo search and block.

You could also use a different last name - maiden name or other family name? This is common in teaching/ social work professions so wouldn't seem odd

Do you have a restraining order or a non mol?

@Stuckandsadintheupsidedown

Nothing anymore

Can you start your business page without including your name or identifying details, setting it up so people will find it if they search for local hairdresser or whatever your business is.

It's so ridiculous that in this day and age domestic violence victims still have to hide in The shadows.

Oh agreed OP. Society does not want to understand.

Surely you can start your own business but use another name or spelling or middle name or business name or something? Ans block his profile

Call your business Buttercup Beauty or AG Accounting or whatever. Call yourself J P Smith instead of Jane Smith. Im quite suprised that if your ex is this persistent and dangerous, that noone ever suggested you change your name. Would that be an option?

FWIW, I wouldn't assume a professional business needed a picture of the owner, or any personal details.

Before you do anything get in contact with the Suzy Lamplugh Trust and ask for advice 0808 802 0300 They should be able to give you the advice you need depending on your circumstances.

I get it OP.
Do you know anything of his circumstances now? If he has a new victim partner? Don't go digging and causing yourself any trouble.
I think you should go for it, under a name that is not your own. If you have even the tiniest bit of bother then report him immediately, apply for a non molestation order. Stay safe and vigilant but live your life. With any luck the fucker will end up locked up after all

Can you change your name? A lot of woman have work names and a friend has a few celebrities on SM who all have big standard names

I went through this for years - I changed my name on FB & had other SM with no identifying info, BUT I wasn't in your situation, needing ppl to be able to contact me. It is so f*cking wrong that we have to live like this - I really feel furious on your behalf.

Do you have a contact with your local police force? I had a specific contact, via the vulnerable persons unit - I'm just thinking in case he does pop up, good to have someone to contact directly.

I honestly don't know what to suggest, I just decided one day (not sure how long after) that I'd had enough living like that. Luckily, no contact.

Good luck, whatever you choose to do!

@Stuckandsadintheupsidedown

That's what we've all been hoping and he has had a few more girlfriends victims since apparently. Always finds time to try and cause me trouble too though. I had to leave my old work because they said he was a risk to the organisation and their security was not robust enough for somebody with his profile. I'm doing what I can but I am being held back a lot by having to keep such a low profile. I have been looking at changing my name and my kids but can't change my face unfortunately (I've looked at a surgeon but can't afford it right now, I did really investigate every avenue initially though). It ended up just making me angry though, like why do I have to basically kill every single part of who I used to be in order to be free again? There is meant to be law enforcing that not leaving us to fend for ourselves or hide.

No I agree completely. When was the last instance of him harassing You? If it was within the last 6 months it is still reportable and you could apply to the courts for a non molestation order- women's aid should be able to help you to do this. This way if you does break the order then he will be carted off to custody and you can keep living.
Use as much advice and help from women's aid and the courts as you can.