won't commit

[NinjaMam]

Ive been in my current relationship 12yrs . my OH is 44 and still lives with his parents! I have my own home and a 17yo from previous relationship and 7yo with him. we do most things together, go out for meals, shopping, camping hols etc but he won't stay the night. he has once or twice on xmas eve but that's it. I think he loves me, he acts like he does, he would do anything for me, but he would never say the words or move in with us. it really bugs me after all these years and had countless conversations about it but he just changes the subject. we get on great v rarely argue but I am almost 40 now n feeling stressed I am wasting my time with him.

p.s his parents are quite needy

Well you've done this for 12 years through having a child together - why's it an issue?

I feel like this is a half term wind up

Does your 7 year old have a close relationship with his grandparents? Does he visit them often? What is your relationship with them like?

This is the ultimate dead horse! It’s not just dead the glue factories nearly done with it!

How much money is he contributing to the raising of your JOINT child?

How much of his time?

Because quite honestly he’s taking the piss! He gets all the benefits of a family without any of the graft, commitment or true financial responsibility.

Quit being a doormat, pin him down on why he won’t move in and if he still refuses at the very least he needs to be paying a decent amount of cm.

Is this real??

What a weird situation. Never heard of a man still living with his parents while his partner and child live separately.

What are your thoughts on marriage ? Also, why won't he stay over for the night?

The first thing that springs to my mind is that you are not a family unit. At best 2 people coparenting during the day like you would be separated. When your child was baby, when you were pregnant, what happened if you had an emergency during the night? What about when you fell ill because it must have happened at some point? You had to get on with it by yourself, right? How is that being a good father? From an emotional point of view, for me there is the best part of the day when you cuddle to your loved one at night, at least for me. And waking up in his arms and having your coffee together, how are you not craving this? I pulled a muscle in my back the other day my husband had to fetch me during the night from the toilet and comfort me as I thought I split my lungs in 2 with the pain, can't imagine if he was not there and had children under my care(I don't), would have had to call an ambulance, how is that right when you are in a relationship? Please raise your standards life can be so nice in 2, you do not have this, just part time help, that's all your husband is, like live out nanny, that once she's gone you are be yourself and can't bother at home. Crazy. Please get out. It will make no difference to your life as it is but maybe you can find someone to share everything with you not just the bits that he chooses.

I got pregnant with my DD 4 months into our relationship. I categorically said to DP that I can't have him move in with me just because I am pregnant. He agreed! When DD was born it took 2 weeks for him to move in. 1. I needed him. 2. He couldn't bare being away from DD and wanted to help with the nights and see her first thing in the morning for sleepy cuddles.

I am not sure how your OH manages to be away from his child or you. I can understand if this was a new relationship. But 12 years? I wouldn't say I am a needy partner, but I would definitely need more than what your OH is giving you!

Does he work? Do you go anywhere together? Away on holiday or anything?

It is really odd.

How odd.

I assume you have an intimate relationship, so how does that work? How empty and soul destroying to have your partner hot foot it out of bed and out of the door, like some kind of ons

Yes you are wasting your time with him. You really should think about going for counselling because your self esteem must be rock bottom to accept this.