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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dad let younger girl move into family house

18 replies

Nottnic · 02/11/2019 18:28

My Dad has been divorced twice and has five kids including myself (ages: 9, 11, 14, 22, 23). For the past five years he’s been dating girls half his age he’s 55 they are 24-30 year old women (he holds a lot of prejudice towards middle aged women and the construct of marriage). Recently he let a young women move into our house, which is small, and she doesn’t have a job and lives in the house completely free and off my fathers dime. Meanwhile he is already supporting five kids, two ex-wives, and running several businesses. Anyway, it’s needless to say but his plate is full and he’s stressed out all the time (I worry he could have a heart attack or stroke). Now, I’ve accepted that I have no right to tell him who he should or shouldn’t be with, but I’m finding it extremely difficult to spend time with him when she’s around, I do not get along with her or respect her on a personal level (she asked me for my prescription drugs and asked me to lie to my doctor and say that I needed more than I did so she could buy some, like wtf!), and I don’t feel comfortable in my family home anymore because she’s effectively infested it. How can I deal with this? I feel that by allowing this woman to come into his life and take advantage of him it not only sets a horrible example for my little siblings, but also adds unnecessary stress to his life considering he’s already supporting so much.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/11/2019 18:53

Why is he supporting five children when two are adults?

You don’t have to like his partner and could move out at any time.

Interestedwoman · 02/11/2019 19:56

She does sound awful- are you working? If not, when you're 25 I think you're entitled to help with housing costs and can move out.

You could still help him out with your younger siblings, if that's what you're worried about.

I know some people want to stay at home and save up till they buy a place, but it always seems more grown up to me when people move out in the meantime and make their own life.

Looneytune253 · 02/11/2019 20:05

How many of these children live in the house and how many live elsewhere? He shouldn't need to be supporting the adult children or the ex wives anymore. Tbh I would stay out of it. I'm guessing you're one of the adult children? Let him get on with it, it's his home and his money!!

MMmomDD · 02/11/2019 20:05

He is living his life the way he chooses to and only thing you can do is live yours.
There is nothing you can do to change this situation other than remove yourself.
Don’t visit when she is there. Or if you are still living at home - move and start your own life.

Velveteenfruitbowl · 02/11/2019 20:05

To be fair, if I were him I’d probably choose a young live in girlfriend (how much is that really going to cost anyway) over supporting two ex wives. It seeing as he’s chosen to support five grown adults who shouldn’t need supporting I think it’s safe to say that it’s his problem. Leave him to it.

Pinkbonbon · 02/11/2019 20:09

He's a grown adult and he needs to learn his own lessons. If he wants to date 25year olds at his age because he essentially, has a problem with/low opinion of women - he deserves all the fallout that comes with that.

Unfortunately, wives, sisters, daughters ect...of men like this tend to be conditioned into running after them and babying them. Putting their needs and desires first.

This isn't your job. He can date whom he likes. But you don't have to accommodate it as part of your lifestyle. Make it clear you think he is acting like peter pan and that you do not like his choice of partner, so, will not be seeing him when she is around. Not in a 'choose' way, just in a 'I won't be around your place anymore way as I'm removing myself from this toxic environment'.

All you can do is protect yourself. He is a grown man, let him make his own mistakes. Don't get dragged into it.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 02/11/2019 20:15

Why is he supporting two adult children and two ex wives? The younger children I understand.

Lots of people chose to date younger. Life'll be easier if you like this woman but if you really can't see that happening then just keep your distance and don't get involved in picking up the pieces if when it all goes wrong. It's not the family home at the end of the day- it's just bricks and mortar. You've got your own life to focus on.

Presumably it doesn't stop you seeing your younger siblings?

Gazelda · 02/11/2019 20:34

Do you live with your Dad? If you don't then I don't think you can do or say anything. It essentially boils down to you not liking your DF's GF.

If you live with them, the. I can see why it's uncomfortable but the only reasonable solution is to move out.

TheQueef · 02/11/2019 20:36

You in the US op?

Walnutwhipster · 02/11/2019 20:37

Surely that should be supporting 3 children? He's an adult and although it's creepy it sounds like more than his gf are taking advantage.

Musti · 02/11/2019 21:03

Your father sounds creepy. Imagine his daughters being with a man his age. Yuck. Hope your mum is more stable and you can stay with her

MsPepperPotts · 02/11/2019 22:00

He is not being taken advantage of at all.
He likes having relationships with very young women.
The only way to deal with it is to leave him to it...he's not going to change.

drspouse · 02/11/2019 22:02

The adult children could be students or living at home to save rent.

Oakmaiden · 02/11/2019 22:09

How many of these people (3 children, 2 adult children, 2 ex wives and girlfriend) live in the house?

Sushiroller · 02/11/2019 22:24

Your father has made poor life choices and is continuing to make them. 🤷‍♀️
You can't fix what he's got....which is dirty old man syndrome

Also I am not clear why he is still supporting a 22 and 23 year old...

Your problem is actually that shes living in the family home and you don't want to live with her.
At 22 I was living independently so maybe move out...?

Nc77 · 02/11/2019 22:45

Doesn’t sound like there much you can do other than move out.

If she’s quite immature and possibly has a drug habit I’m sure the novelty of staying in your family home will wear off soon and she will be sick of looking after someone else’s kids.

Give it time, she will piss off.

Your dad needs to have a serious think about who is bringing into the family home if she is a drug user, god forbid one of the kids gets their hands on something they shouldn’t 🙁

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/11/2019 23:26

You’ll have to move out.

DishingOutDone · 03/11/2019 00:00

So who is taking care of the younger children? Please dont say they live in the house with all this going on? Where are their mother(s)?

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