Boyfriend doesn't want children

[Missunknownfuture]

My boyfriend is 41, I am 33. We have been together for 8 years and to start with it seemed my boyfriend wanted kids. We even tried for 6 months (this was about 3 years ago) but I didn't get pregnant. I haven't taken birth control for a long time and never gotten pregnant so I know that getting pregnant wouldn't be easy. Anyway the longer we have been together the more my boyfriend has expressed that he doesn't want children, never really has, but he would have had one if it made me happy. My boyfriend likes plans, his own space and taking himself off whenever he wants. He also loves traveling, something I also really enjoy. So parenthood would be really hard for him and I can understand why he doesn't want to be a dad. I know that of we had a child he would be unhappy for the rest of his life. I am 75% sure I don't want children as I like having money, having downtime and traveling but I've always got that little doubt in my mind. I don't want to make my boyfriend have one just to make me happy and I don't know whether I want them as I love my freedom and traveling but I don't want to get to 50 and regret it.
What should I do?

I am 75% sure I don't want children as I like having money, having downtime and traveling but I've always got that little doubt in my mind.

That doubt will grow as your biology takes over. You can’t help it. If you want children, have them. Just not with him, as he clearly doesn’t.

Only you can answer that question. The problem is that men also change their mind, but it could be too late by then. Perhaps you could offer to help a friend with kids, see if it triggers feelings? Otherwise I don't know what to suggest. Not everyone wants kids

Have you considered the possibility that he knows he can't have children - perhaps having had a vasectomy?

If there is any doubt in your mind that could grow. Especially as you were trying anyway.

If that doubt grows and he still doesn’t want children you could regret it and also resent him forever - as that is generally a dealbreaker.

Spending time with friends children could help - although you could find them a pain and having your own kids is completely different.

You just really need to think about the life you want. I’ve got a six month old and it’s tough - but it is getting easier. We have family that can help so we can go and do errands and get a quick drink. We are also looking at travelling with our child when she is a little older. But of course it won’t be the same as what we did before - to us she is worth that sacrifice but you need to consider what you want.

As a side point My husband wasn’t overly keen on kids but tried for one because of me. He loves her as much as I do and has done since her birth - he was surprised at the strength of his feelings.

He's not had a vasectomy. I doubt he would offer to have one of he knew he physically couldn't. It's a bit crazy but I worry about things like struggling with money, holidays being busier and more expensive, my mental health (I have anxiety), not having alone time and being restricted for the next 18 years. It's such a hard thing to decide as it's not something we can compromise on. We've looked after my niece before and enjoyed our time with her but it was exhausting

Don't havea child with him. He doesn't want one and you'd likely end up resenting him as he tried to carry on living life as a single man whilst you are left home with a baby.

So choices are, don't have children and enjoy your life with your boyfriend or find someone else to have children with.