How did you find a new man when you have children?

[Newchapter80]

I’m thinking about how difficult it would be to find love with a new man now that I have children. Children take up so much time & I would rather be with them or chilling out in front of the TV then dating.

To those who have left their children’s father & found love again, please can you give me some insight into the below questions??

How many children and what ages were they when you left your partner? Did you find it difficult to find a new man? Did you wait a long time before introducing him to your children?
Did the new man have children of his own? Did he want more children??

Thanks x

Me too. No idea op. Interested to find out. Can't imagine.

To be honest I've decided it's more hard work than it's worth. I've learned to be happy single, I don't have the time or effort to pursue relationships while DS is young.

I became a single parent when DS1 was 14 months (ex left us) met my DH when my DS was 4 yes old. We actually met via work quite by accident and just clicked. Id pretty much decided I'd be a single mum forever was looking to meet anyone but the connection was just instant. now we're married with baby 3(our 2nd together) due in 2 weeks

Found dh on plenty of fish 10 years ago...!

Dd was 6 at the time. According to mumsnet standards you should be with your new partner 100 years before even letting them say hello to your children... we waited about 6 months ish. And then it was a very casual meet up in town with a Costa and a cinema trip to see a film dd wanted to see. She liked dh from the get go which was so important- I had been separated from her dad since she was 6 months old.

Dh and I slowly became more serious and got married 2 years after that and now we are all one big happy family - and we have a son together too.

When I first messaged dh on plenty of fish we kept our messages very casual and short and initially met for a coffee during the day. We liked each other so much we stayed chatting till the shop shut!

I became a single parent of four when my youngest was 18 months old. The others were 4, 6 and 10.

I met a friend of a friend online and we got together. I waited just over a year to introduce him to my children, he had four children of his own, which i never met, and we split up after being together for two and a half years. He's actually one of my best friends now.

DP1 and i have known each other for the best part of 16 years, although we were chatting online for two years beforehand. We met on a forum for a singer we both liked, and our first 'date' was on the 11th January 2004, at a concert in Cardiff. We're getting married next year. He's known my children for at least ten years and they get on well.

DP2, i met when he tattooed me. He's poly, as am I, and i met both his partners. He lives quite away a way from me now, and sadly we only get to see each other anout five times a year. He's met two of my children but it's not the type of relationship where he needs to.

I also met my partner on pof, even though I was only on it for a few weeks because I hated it! I’d been single about 3 years, children were 5 and 4. They met dp after about 6 months. We moved in together 3 years after meeting, have another two children together, and are getting married next year. Been together 8 years now.

Not me but my bosses now wife had a son and they met on POF. Boss was unlikely to be able to have children so he was delighted to forge a strong relationship with her son and he later adopted him. And, despite the odds, they now have a biological child together too.

Another person I know had a 10 year old daughter and had been single for the best part of a decade when she started up a meet up group to meet friends; a fellowship group. Two years in her future husband showed up. They've been happily married for a very long time now.

The thing with pof is you have to be prepared to be absolutely brutal and block and delete a lot of people in order to find your prince ...! But just like the general population there are a lot of good people on there too. Mumsnet tends to think pof is dreadful, and it can be, but there are a lot of success stories too!

(Before I met dh one particular gem was a man who messaged me telling me he thought I would be wonderful for this 80 year old dad - I was 30 at the time. Another one was the president of the vegemite society at his student union and that was ALL he ever talked about)!

Be careful......there are many men who are watching for women with children. Be suspicious.

Reading your stories is interesting, thank you for sharing.
It seems most of you have had many years single before finding a new man x

I found online dating to be a nightmare really. Plenty of lies and omissions. Easy to get a date but impossible to find a real connection. Although I do have several friends who have met their spouses/partners this way, it didn't work for me.

DP and I worked together several years ago so we already knew and liked each other. We both have DC (him 8 and 4, me 12 and 8).

We aren't planning on introducing our DCs yet (to one another or to the other set of DCs), we both know we are in this for the long hail but there's no rush. The time needs to be right and my ExDH made a hash of things when he got together with his DP and upset my DCs a lot. I need his ExDW to be on board too - I couldn't be disrespectful.

Good luck OP

It's so hard to sift through the crap and find that special person. I promise you will though.

@anniemac1 that is true, yes, that’s why I didn’t say I had children in my profile and I was very wary about saying that I did until I had gotten to know the person a lot more.

I wanted to be single for a while.

I met my now dp, in my best friends kitchen. He is my friends brother. We dated casually/fwb for 18 months. Then became serious and been together 3 years now.

The kids met him the same day I did. As we were visiting my friend. Obviously not expecting to meet my future partner.

For 2 years he was 'auntie Louise's brother'. Louise isnt my friends real name.

I think being single then dating casually, was beneficial for me. It allowed me to prioritise me and my kids without feeling bad that someone else was wanting my time and/or attention

I was single for 3/4 years before I met my current DP. He is childless but I have one DD who he met when she was 6.

Brill, keep your smart head on. All the best.x

I tried all the usual dating apps and found them to be full of men who either shagged around or wanted to march me down the aisle on the first date.
I gave up going on dates in a Friday night and instead took to working in a local village pub. I was lucky enough my parents looked after my 2 children to facilitate this.
I am now happily married to my husband who’s family ran the pub, we are expecting our first child together soon.
I know I am exceptionally lucky but there are amazing men out there and when you find one they are like golddust.

I’m thinking about this as I’m a single parent to 4 but unfortunately their dad is absent so I’m always with them so can’t date at all! I really don’t want to stay single
Forever as I’m only 30. But how is it possible to date when you have no time away from your children. I also think that a lot of men assume single mums are just looking for a causal shag!

I met DP a few months after splitting from ExH- seems quick but things had been bad for a while and finding out ex was cheating sealed it for me so I didn't feel I needed to wait. I joined Tinder for a laugh, ignored loads of the usual messages from blokes just after a shag, but got chatting to two guys who seemed more on my wavelength. This was quickly whittled down to one, we met for a drink and just clicked- been together about a year and a half now. He's quite old fashioned and joined Tinder at the suggestion of a friend without knowing its reputation - if he had he would never have joined!

My kids were 2 and 4 at the time and I waited about 3 months before gradually introducing them. Given their age (the eldest has severe SEN so his understanding is much younger) they didn't get who he was or need any explanation but they adore him and he them- they often seem to prefer him to me! He doesn't have children and doesn't want them; I don't want any more either- I like my bit of free time when ex has ours too much to have another! We don't live together as we both like our space but we plan for him to move in in a few years time.

Met DP about a year after I split from exH. My friend looked up all her single friends on Facebook and he looked nice. She said he was a lovely person too.

So after a couple of false starts I asked him out for a drink. He was rather wary, having been happily single for 10 years, but we clicked on the first date. He met my DD about 6 months afterwards, he joined us at a kiddies party and came over for a few hours in the evening at weekends, before going home, then stayed over and we're still in that pattern now and he now stays with us at weekends, 2 years down the line . He gets on great with her, but my DS (16) is very against it, though DP takes it in his stride.

We saw each other once a week for the first 6 months, when exH took the kids out for the day, but then exH decided to be a dick and stopped that arrangement so I had no choice but to introduce DP to the kids if I was ever going to see him.

So all very slow and patient, but he proved himself by taking everything at my pace and making no demands. Proved he was the one for me.