Husband is addicted to gaming

[Ac90]

Hi,

This is my first time posting and unsure of all the acronyms.

I have a daughter who is 10 years old and a husband that I have been with for 12 years now( married last October).

Basically my issue is I feel so alone, I have no family except my daughter and husband. The issue started about 2- 3 months ago when he started playing a game called dc universe online and it has in game chats/mic options. He doesn’t work so he can stay up all night and play his game, I work as a night time nurse doing 56-60 hours per week and do all the cleaning, cooking, taking care of the husband and daughter whilst trying to get a sleep and walking the dogs. I feel I haven’t got enough time to do everything.

Up until 2-3 months ago we had a fairly good relationship and maybe argued a few times a month but things always got better because he would prioritise our relationship. But now we seem to argue all the time even when I call to say hello. I come home and try to be intimate but he always rejects me by saying he has a sore tummy. He stays up all night speaking to this girl because she is American there is a time difference. I have tried to become part of the game and joined in with him but nothing is working. I try talking to him about things and he gets angry and then I get really emotional because i feel I’m in the wrong that he doesn’t want to spend time with me or show me he loves me. The girl knows that he has someone but I’m just scared incase he is smitten with her.
I don’t want to tell him to chose because I know that it’s his outlet but I’m just tired of all the arguing. I miss him so much even though I could be in the same room as him.

Probably doesn’t make sense and is probably all mixed up as I have just finished a nightshift but just looking for some advise.

I feel alone, like a mug and unworthy. I’ve started taking anxiety attacks more and I’ve lost weight because I have stopped eating because of how much I’m worrying.

Any help is appreciated,

Thanks
A.

He sounds horrible and like he is just using you at this point. Sorry. Hopefully someone will have some advice for you xx

So basically you’re working plus doing everything in the house so he can play his game? Just stop enabling him and tell him to pull his weight or it’s over. You deserve better.

What is the point of him? He sounds awful, and is affecting your mental and physical health very badly, which in turn will affect your daughter.

Why doesn't he work?

He sounds like a lazy arse, and you'd probably cope better without him.

BTW my lovely, "good relationships" do not involve arguing 2-3 times a month. What does this clown actually add to your life?

A

What are you getting out of this relationship now?. Nothing good from what I can read about it. Your own health, both mental and physical, is being affected by your husband and this in turn is not good for your daughter.

Arguing several times a month does not constitute a fairly good relationship.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Why are you and he still together at all?. Neither you or your DD are important to him. Do not stay with him for the sake of your daughter, she won't say "thanks mum" to you for doing that to her. What do you want to teach her about relationships and what is she learning here?.

So you work, you do all the housework, look after your dd, him and your dog while he stays up all night chatting to other women, doing nothing to help with little communication.

Kick his arse out and see if his online fantasy woman wants him then.

The more i think about it, he is nasty. He waited until you were married to bring this behaviour to the surface. Did you get married to try and make things better, by any chance?

Now he gets a share of the house, and you might even have to pay him maintenance. I would be getting proper legal advice in your shoes, and i would also change the wifi password....

how long has he not worked for. is he looking for another job or is he signed off sick.

My boyfriend is exactly the same. I completely understand everything you are saying. We have been together 7 years and his gaming got really bad and I just get so fed up, he to would game late into the night keeping me awake and I would be asleep on my own most nights as he would fall asleep after gaming on the sofa. I too was always initiating sex/cuddles and also cooking and cleaning as you are. We had a massive argument and I said him I'm leaving you unless you change and cut down the gaming and help me and be with me in this relationship otherwise jsut feels completely alone unloved and not important as you have said you feel the same as I did I know!! X Do what I did and tell him he needs change and step up he can still game in moderation bit you want to feel like a couple not single! Xx If not tell him you are leaving. It's not fair on you. We only get one life X I am giving my boyfriend few months to see if he changes he is doing much better and has sold his game consoles and is making more effort be with me in daily life ( watching TV together/ takeaways) simple stuff! XXX I love my partner too so tell him he needs make effort and change if he dosnt then leave xxxx hope I have helped I know it's hard when you love them and want to make it work! X

( We are not married or have any children either)
But please see if he changes and he should also be working? Not fair on you to feel unloved/ single! XXX Then if he dosnt change can leave and know you tried this is what I will be doing if it goes back to gaming constantly! Xx

I think you would be happier without him he doesn’t seem to be bringing anything to the relationship. Why doesn’t he work? Or do anything around the house? You need to stop enabling him to carry on like this give him an ultimatum about the gaming. And the staying up all night effecting family life to chat to another woman is out of order and needs to stop

Hi OP,

As others have said, be brutally honest with yourself, what does he do for you or your daughter? Relationships are difficult n complex, and do involve arguing, but at the bottom of it, there should be love and mutual appreciation, which is shown in taking care of one another.

I would initially leave him to it, say for 2 weeks, having minimal contact, just experimenting what your life would be like without him. Focus on taking care of yourself and your daughter. See what his reaction is, then decide how to proceed.
One thing is for sure, this shouldn't go on for much longer. You and your daughter deserve to be happy and have the best life you can. Don't let anyone stand in the way of that.

Tc.

I will reply to all reply’s later tonight. I wasn’t expecting all these responses. I really do appreciate this. It’s been a difficult few days and been run off my feet with doing double shifts and night shifts.

Again will individually reply to every comment in a few hours time.