Hello!
I have turned a bit resentful towards my DP (living together). We get along well, have fun, are affectionate etc, all good. He is also helpful at home mostly - cooks, washes his own laundry, cleans. However, he is a bit lazy though and does not notice the need to clean very quickly and there are numerous small things he just does not do or he takes a long time. I do not have massive needs for spotless place, but living in a small place putting away stuff is pretty important to have more space. I am totally happy to clean big 2-3 times a month (washing floors, thorough cleaning of bathroom and kitchen, changing sheets etc). So I do not have high standards I guess.
But he does not notice the need to clean, if I tell him we should clean and change sheets, he is ok to do it together, but he never notices the need himself. Everyday a lot of stuff gathers into the kitchen and if I do not clean it up, it takes him several days to get to it (and has a couple of times whined that the kitchen is a mess), he will eventually do it himself, but it takes a lot of time. By the way, he uses much more dishes as he eats more often. He trims his facial hair and leaves the hairs in the sink.. he leaves dirty pots-pans to soak in the sink for days.. he leaves empty bottles on the kitchen counter, he leaves his laundry to try for days, even for a week (taking massive space away in our little space). Once he told me, when I asked, that yes he sees the dirt and need to clean, but just does not feel like cleaning most of the times. We started sorting trash a month ago, on his initiative, been doing well. But yesterday I noticed he has been putting packages into regular trash - because the packages container was full and he did not bother to empty it. I called him out on it, he played a little-ashamed-boy act.
There are so many small things that I should point him out, that it gets exhausting. I wonder what would happen if we ever had children?? It seems he is able to an extent to listen and improve, but I feel like a mother, like a nag.. He won't even bring new toilet paper in the bathroom when he uses the last piece of it... So on the surface everything is ok, he is capable of doing these things and eventually does, but meanwhile we would be living in a total mess if I would not do things.
Is there a point in even trying to "mother" him? Does it have lasting effect?
But even worse, is that yesterday I just felt plain hurt, to be honest. He promises to do something and most of the time he eventually won't or it takes ageeeees. We need a new clock (his initiative), he told that he knows exactly where to get an ideal one and he will do it. Two weeks have gone by, haven't heard about it. We talked about having a carpet, he told he will look what their store has to offer. Another two weeks, zero information. New light switch is needed, he has not been happy with those that are offered in stores. I told him to find one he wants. Months... And he works in a big construction store!!!!!! Everything is there every day! And why I feel hurt? Because lately he has been telling me how he is like a god in the store as he has put mirrors on the walls, repaired doors etc - "Oh they were whining that a door is broken, I thought how hard can it be and went and tried and repaired it", "Oh the colleagues insisted we need a mirror and a shelf in the office rooms, well I sorted it out, everyone is happy!".
So no problem doing such things at work...
And it's not like he does not have time. He only goes to work and spends time with me. No children, no hobbies, no regular meetings with friends, no helping his parents, nothing.