In 2017, everything was fine. I was married to my husband and had two sons. It was a particularly fulfilling or happy marriage but it was .... ok. I was settled. In Jan 2018 he confessed that he had cheated on me, fathering a child. He wanted to stay but we separated and divorced by October 2018. He didn't move the house until April 2019.
Six months after we separated I met someone new through work. He was 8 years younger than me but it didn't seem to matter. We got on brilliantly, he was great with my children and life seemed good again. We didn't live together but he spent a lot of time with us. Until .... we had an argument about an ex partner of his in June 2019. I admit I over-reacted but things weren't the same since this argument. He became very distant from me, stopped being affectionate and no longer spoke about a future together. Ten days ago we split up and he's now moved all his things back to his dad's house.
I feel gutted, totally lost and back to square one again. The reality is I just don't enjoy being a single mum. I find it boring and tedious and enjoyed being part of a couple of again. Everything is easier with two adults. The evenings are dark, and seem very bleak again. I don't see what future I have as a single mum. It feels like there's nothing to look forward to.
What if he was my one chance of happiness and I blew it? How will I meet someone again? I met him by chance through work. I have my free weekends when my sons go to their dads, but I don't have friends I can go out with.
I am struggling to put one foot in front of the other at the minute, let alone giving my two children the care and attention they need, which leaves me feeling so guilty. I can't eat, sleep, concentrate at work and I feel like a complete loser.
The rational side of me says that there is a chance this can all be ok again, and I see some women absolutely thriving as a single mother, but it just doesn't seem like that will be my future. Please ... I need some support.