35 weeks pregnant. How do I tell my dad

[bonfiresburning]

I'm not close to my dad at all. I have seen him twice this year and that's twice more than last year. The reason for this is his wife who hates me and my sister and us really jealous of us, constant snarky comments and my dad is weak and never stands up to her so the end result is we just never see him.

So as the title says I'm 35 weeks pregnant and he still doesn't know. I've avoided telling him as I just can't face the reaction. It's worse because I'm not in a stable relationship and my daughters father well it doesn't look like he wants her.

Overall very few people all round know I'm pregnant. Ive managed to hide it well. I think it's going to be a shock to a lot of people in a month or so time. But it's my dad and stepmum I'm concerned about. How have I left it this long. How do I go about telling him. Does anyone have any advice?

Breezily?

Hey dad, thought it was time I told you I'm having a baby, due in a few weeks. Almost ready, just the last few bits to do. See you soon, bonfires.

Oh bless you, I’d say you’re an adult and it’s your choice what you decide to tell people or not.
Could you meet or see your dad privately or perhaps call him when you think he might be alone?
Or otherwise just send him a selfie!

Text him seriously you clearly dont have a relationship with him just a simple fyi baby is due on x date ring if you want to visit I'm doing it on my own negativity will not be tolerated

Or

Send them a birth announcement in the post

You don’t have to tell him if you have very little relationship with him and he’s likely to be zero support or even put a dampener on things.

You really will need some real life support though, do you have some supportive friends/family?

Tell him when baby is born. If he's not in contact with you then don't feel bad or get stressed about how and when to tell him. As for step mother, why would you give a shit what she thinks? If he cared enough he'd be in regular contact. This will just go to show how much his new wife has pushed you away. Good luck with the next few weeks - exciting times ahead with new baby.

Ive managed to hide it well

Why have you been hiding it? Most people don’t deliberately hide the fact that they are very pregnant from people around them.

And yes, text your dad.

Just send him a pic when born to grandad if he hasn't been in touch its his fault and might give him just the kick up the bum he needs good luck hope all goes well

@PotteringAlong I've been hiding it because I am embarrassed that the dad doesn't want to be involved. And I can't face the awkward questions.

My dad lives hours away from me anyway so not like I would see him really regularly even if he hadn't married that bitch we were on good terms.

Just send him a quick text "Hi Dad! Just wanted to let you know I am pregnant and the baby is due in December". And then ignore all questions that come after that.

No point in hiding it. You aren't going to be able to hide the baby, are you?

If you act like you are ashamed or embarrassed then he will think there is reason to - and there isn’t.

This is lovely news, a new life. Treat it as exciting news, show him how happy you are. He is only on the periphery of your life, who care what he thinks.

Hold you head up high.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Your dad sounds pretty useless, not like a proper dad. He doesn't deserve any special angst about telling him, and he definitely doesn't deserve to start judging you. In your position I'm not sure I could be arsed to tell him at all.

You are not responsible for other people's failures and poor choices. Not your dad's, and not your baby's dad's. Forget the useless people and celebrate the birth of your lovely baby.

I would text him and ask him if he could call when he's on his own. Then I'd tell him the truth, that you were embarrassed to tell him but that you would love his support.

There’s no shame in going it alone op.

Usual advice, don't put the dad on the birth certificate and don't give the baby his surname.

WRT your dad, text is probably easier. I'd just send an FYI message as posters above suggested.

You're behaving as though there's something to be ashamed of op. Which will set your expectation of how your Dad will react and behave iyswim. I disagree with texting or sending pics, I think you should ring him and tell him. Some news is too important to text. Congratulations on your pregnancy

You have nothing to be ashamed of , please don’t be, you are incredibly brave and courageous to go it alone.

Let people that want to support you do so and ignore the negative comments ... all they will do is bring you down.

Often we meet people that can’t bring to the table what they say they can do your daughters father was one of those people doesn’t mean that you did anything wrong x

Hi,
I was in virtually the same situation. My dad lives the other side of the country and as a result of his truly vile wife I barely saw him, didn't have a huge amount of contact.
I was also pregnant and planning to go it alone, I'd told very few people about the pregnancy as I was in a particularly hard situation.

I told my dad. I expected very little in response and made it quite clear that I wouldn't accept any nastiness from his wife. I ended up being pleasantly surprised as was my nan because it ended up being the first time in 20 years my dad stood up to his wife/step children. He transpired to be a totally unexpected but good support through my pregnancy and the early months of my daughters life.

I have to say that it didn't last past 6 months lol and 2 years down the line things have returned to normal with my dad but at that time he was very good.

Tell your dad but do it expecting nothing and make your stance on his wife/any negativity very clear.

Good luck

And his wife/your stepmother doesn't figure in this. He is your child's grandfather, simple as that. Your child deserves for their grandfather to know of their existence. Maybe thinking of it like that will give you some clarity.

Also, I know for a fact that my own paternal grandfather wasn't the best of fathers. Or husbands. But he was an amazing grandfather. That's also a possibility for your child op.

Your biggest issue here is caring what other people think. Your ex not wanting to be involved is HIS shame to carry, not yours, women aren’t responsible for men’s shit behaviour. Hold your head high, you’re an adult, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

Oh the joy of having a step mum that dictates in thw background. My step mum is awful, and my dad is like yours, doesn't like confronting and so it results in years without seeing him. I completely get where you are coming from OP and can honestly say you don't own him an explanation on your own family dynamics. You can do as others on here have suggested and just announce it by card. Congratulations by the way. I had two children with two different fathers, I spent all my kids lives feeling dreadful about it and burdened by what other people thought. However I have two amazing adult kids, who are really inspirational and who I am so proud of. You sound like a person who thinks about the right stuff and you obviously care about your dad regardless of his now wife. Both fathers to my kids decided fatherhood wasn't for them and life happens, I wasted years explaining to people who didn't deserve my time about thw whys and the reasons, don't do the same and enjoy your little family.

Your biggest issue here is caring what other people think. Your ex not wanting to be involved is HIS shame to carry, not yours, women aren’t responsible for men’s shit behaviour. Hold your head high, you’re an adult, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.

This 1000x over.

Just text him a breezy text, he may or may not be interested but at least he will know about the baby. Enjoy your baby!