Does anyone else's DH keep ringing giving you odd jobs when you're at home?

[themuttsnutts]

Eg. Make this phone call, send this email, nip to the shop and get this, then mention a bit of housework that needs doing?

I can't explain why this pisses me off so much other than I do not do it when he's home and I'm at work. He works 50 hrs and I work 30 and gets paid more.but I do sort dinner and the kids with their activities . I do.what I can round the house but there's a limit to how much I can fit in

I've tried explaining it makes me feel like his pa/housekeeper and that, if he's thought of it, oughtn't he be spending more time at home or doing these things on his break?

Ive got so fed up this week that Ive started ignoring every demand now.

Wwyd

Nope. If dh phones its to ask if I need anything from the shop. I can sort out my own jobs to do in the house

Sounds very like controlling behaviour OP......

I'd tell him to piss off (complete with tinkly laugh!) It sounds like he employs you and is giving you instructions!

Lol, looks like he carries some of the mental load. I’d just start a list of things to do and add whatever he calls you with to the list. Put your own things on there too. Then sit down at dinner and figure out who will do which item. I agree just because he’s only now remembered something and called you that does not oblige you to do it. Take it as his contribution to the mental load and start a to do list that you divide and conquer.

No. I don't need to be managed in my home. He would get told to fuck off.

My OH works 70/80hr weeks and I'm 40hrs he manages to share the cooking, put his washing on and dap the vacuum around on his day off if it needs doing.
It's a partnership isn't?

Tell him quite straightly that he is not your boss and you don't need telling what to do.

Very controlling.

I imagine that "sorting dinner and children" takes up twenty hours over a week, so the same as his 50 hours, surely?

My DP does his share of cooking and washing up, cleans the kitchen on Saturday mornings, does his own washing, and does all the decorating and gardening. He wouldn't dream of telling me what to do. Just saying...

I like the idea of the list and think I will propose that and hope that puts him off

Dh will do the gardening and decorating. He does the shopping half of the time and cooks every Sunday, sometimes a roast - but I will never tell him, eg, the lawn could do with a mowing

We usually have a conversation in the evening re what needs doing on my day off and I see how far through the list I get. I can forget what I'm doing mid task tbh, if dh phoned me I would have forgotten by the time I had put the phone down if he thinks of something and doesn't want to forget maybe he could just make a note on his phone rather than using you as a walking talking notepad?!

I would counter everything he asks with a suggestion of my own or him to do getting ever more ridiculous.

He would not ever do that what with me not being his dogsbody

DH used to send emails on my non working day with a list of jobs for the weekend- to be fair he didn't say they were my jobs, but the implication was that I should do some of them. I ignored it and told him I'd ignore any email with a list of tasks. He doesn't send them any more.

Perhaps you could tell your DH what you're already doing - "If I get time after making dinner, doing the children's baths and sorting the laundry, I'll make that call to the insurers but to be honest I doubt I'll get a chance before they close".

"I forgot, I've been so busy. Probably best if you do that on your lunch break in future if it's important".

I only know one man who does this. He’s not a pleasant man and by rights should be in prison for what he’s done to his wife.

OP buy your husband a notebook and pencil then he can write his own to do list and tackle it when he gets home.

My exh did this to me. At first I didn't mind , after a while I had so many 'jobs' to do that I couldn't even get out of the house to take the kids to see my mum , or get to the park for an hour. It was one of the many ways he controlled my time. We divorced due to his abuse and unreasonable behaviour.

My friend's dh does this. But not to do with household jobs. He's a chef in a hotel and we've been out with the friend only for her to get a message to ask can she pick up 20 loaves of bread/10kg of carrots etc as they are needed in the kitchen.
And she drops everything and goes to get them and delivers them to him!

I'd have told him to bugger off!

My DSD’s arse of a husband leaves lists of chores for her to do with what he considers a reasonable time needed !

I would stop answering the phone when he calls. That's very rude.

I can sort of understand that the person who works less hours does more work at home. There are 20 hours difference, so if looking at a full week that is just under 3 hours a day. I'd consider dinner is about 90 to 120 minutes a day. If this includes thinking what to cook, planning for the week, shopping, putting away, organising your kitchen cupboards, fridge, freezer, cleaning and washing up afterwards and putting out the recycling and rubbish etc. Kid's activities obviously dependant on the number of kids, ages and what they do. When my offspring were children it was 1 to 2 hours a day.
I think you are doing more than your fair share.
Sit down with him (after you have thought and listed all those 'wife jobs' and divvy them out).

I didn't do this, I still do all the domestics, gardening, decorating, cooking, cleaning, laundry and pointedly have to ask DH to do a job as nothing domestic is on his agenda. I don't ring him to ask him to do it though!

I do have a list of non day to day jobs that need doing for my own benefit - I love lists

I do this to my DH. But it is generally not around housework. Generally picking up prescriptions, take pet to vet, drop off form to school etc., but to be fair I work full time and still do most of the cooking and cleaning and he works one day a week. I don't ask him to do things I could do myself after work or at the weekend.

I agree with rookiemere - just say 'I will try and fit it in but at the moment I am doing X, Y and Z so if you think it needs to be done urgently, it might be a good idea for you to do it yourself'. He probably has no idea about all the stuff that you are already doing and I think that one of the problems about working from home is that people don’t realise that you need to be, you know, actually working!