When do I give up?

[BlackHole79]

I’m in a difficult situation and would appreciate some advice please.

I met an amazing guy who I really clicked with. I know it sounds corny but it’s like we knew each other in a previous life. We’re both 40. He has just got divorced and is scared of getting hurt again. We both have young children.

We have developed a very intense friendship. We speak on the phone once a week and text every other day. I really think he’s my ‘one’. I’ve been taking it slowly so as not to scare him off or ruin things.

However, neither of us has said how we feel. It’s like a stalemate. I’m thinking that if he actually had feelings for me he would say something or make a move. I have felt this way about him for about 18 months and it hurts. Neither of us has seen anyone else in that time. I don’t want to make the first move in case he’s

1. Horrified
2. Horrified and no longer wants to be friends

When do I give up and walk away?

How often do you actually see each other?
What is it like when you are alone together?
How long has he been separated from his ExW?

How often do you actually see each other?
About once a month. Sometimes every 6 weeks. It’s tricky because of our jobs (both do shift work) and our young children. We have occasionally been out with the children all together.

What is it like when you are alone together?
From my perspective it’s amazing. We bring out the best in each other. I feel like I’m lit up! We chatter and laugh non stop. There has been some lingering eye contact. No physical touch apart from a fee times when he’s been passing me something and I feel that electricity.

How long has he been separated from his ExW?
About 18 months but it was a difficult, painful split from what I can gather. I don’t think he still has feelings for her.

So how long have you actually been dating? If you're only meeting up once every 4-6 weeks then you've not been seeing that much of each other surely? And you've had no physical contact except from brushing fingers when passing things to each other? How can you possibly feel anything more than friendship? You really don't know each other properly from the sound of it.

Is there a reason there has been on physical contact?
Religion etc....?
If not then it's a long time to not have had any intimacy at all.
Maybe he does just see you as a friend.
But... there's only one way to find out!
Be brave. Ask the question.

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong
We’re not dating. That’s why I have posted. We do know each other well mentally but not physically. Feelings can develop without touching. I know his hopes, dreams, aspirations, values. I know what kind of Dad he is, what kind of friend he is, what kind of employee he is.

hellsbellsmelons
No reason that I know of. I just know that I can’t cope anymore. I think I have fallen for him and if he’s not interested I need to start healing. I really value his friendship and don’t want to lose that by telling him how I feel.

I disagree. You can't get to know someone really well from texts and phone calls. You're falling for the persona he's selling you and you can't know how real it is if you're not dating. You sound very dramatic, talking about 'not coping' and 'healing'. It's only been 18 months since his divorce for goodness sake. Give the poor guy time to get over that first.

I don’t think he’s selling me a persona. He’s just a great bloke being himself. I don’t think it’s that different from dating and not living with someone.
I guess I can be a bit dramatic.

How can you possibly feel anything more than friendship?
Genuine question... do other people only feel attracted to someone after they have kissed them? I thought it was normal to be attracted to the person first?

The only way you'll know is by asking him! He may feel the same as you but is too scared to approach you.

It doesn't sound as though he is even remotely ready or interested in a romantic relationship. If he were, you'd know it.