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Confused and feeling torn

6 replies

Porkchop13 · 01/11/2019 13:23

I’m pregnant with our second child. My first child was born in NZ because my husband was working between UK and South Africa. My husband came to NZ 2 weeks before the baby was due. I was induced a week over due, had a very difficult birth followed by a hemorrhage. DH had to leave for business in Australia the day after DC was born. He spent a week and Easter in Sydney (3 hour flight away) but never came back to help me. I looked after DC for 3 months in NZ (without seeing DH by myself) then we moved to South Africa. I’m due to have a second child soon and want this baby to be born in NZ like there sibling. I feel South Africa has no real future and I want my child to have NZ residency etc. I have no support here in South Africa and DH isn’t a great help. DH has very strong feelings of wanting this baby to be born here, as I would have to be in NZ for 5-6 months. But I’m worried he will be of no help and I will be isolated. My family are incredibly helpful and we’re an amazing support for me after the birth of DC in NZ and I know they would be amazing again. I feel so torn what to do. No matter what I do someone isn’t going to be happy and I have to take into consideration DC as well.Does anyone have any advice??

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 01/11/2019 13:44

Go back to NZ and have your baby there. Then stop having babies with someone who doesnt seem to place a high priority on family life.

hellsbellsmelons · 01/11/2019 13:51

No matter what I do someone isn’t going to be happy
Indeed - but you are the one who is pregnant.
It is YOUR happiness that is important here.
Do what is best for you and your DC.

RLEOM · 01/11/2019 14:30

I'd go back, especially if you're going to get support. Also, it makes things easier to have both DC being born in the same country. It's only 6 months out of your life.

Struggles123 · 01/11/2019 14:38

Put yourself and your baby first. From your previous experience you know that he isn’t going to help much and the newborn stage is really tough so go where there is support x

Winterdaysarehere · 01/11/2019 14:43

As he was no use to you last time he doesn't get to decide imo...

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 01/11/2019 16:05

No brainer.

Go to NZ and your family. Sounds like you'd be very isolated in SA.

Your DH also sounds quite useless. Is he involved in parenting his child at all?

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