So, I feel like I have reached a bit of a crossroads in my relationship and I have no idea what to do about it. To put you in the picture, DH and I have been together 7 and a half years, married for 3 and a half. We have a 2 and a half year old DD so we didn't have much time as a married couple before we got pregnant, however it was planned.
Before we were married we didn't have sex all that often (maybe twice a month) but we were happy and it didn't appear to be an issue for either of us. When I was pregnant, we had sex only once mainly because I found it a bit uncomfortable and I think it freaked him out a bit, I think we just assumed that it would get better once I had the baby and had time to heal.
Two and a half years later, we have only ever attempted it again once. I am fully aware that he looks at porn and sorts himself out and I have no problems with this. The truth of the matter is that I have just lost interest. I put weight on whilst pregnant and breastfeeding helped me to lose some of it but I stopped after a year and have piled on the pounds so I am now the heaviest I have ever been at 13 and a half stone. This has knocked my confidence however I am taking steps to lose weight and I am hopeful that I will be slimmer soon. DD was delivered by C-section so nothing much has changed "downstairs" for me so I don't have any anxiety that way.
The trouble is that lack of intimacy in the bedroom has led to us drifting apart in all ways. We rarely kiss and cuddle, only sometimes hold hands. I am often exhausted in the evening (I work 3 days a week and take care of DD 2 days), so I often want to go to bed earlier than him and so he stays up and sleeps in our spare room so not to disturb me. This happens often, usually about 4 or 5 nights a week so we rarely even sleep in the same bed together so even if I wanted to have sex it would be impossible.
We argue sometimes but I would say it's an average amount and not something that overly concerns me.
He is an absolutely brilliant dad and DD adores him, also we both tend to completely agree on how we want to bring her up in terms of core values which is hugely important to me. Also, he does his fair share of chores around the house and he works hard to earn a decent wage. He is careful with money and overall has a good sensible head on his shoulders.
I am a product of my parents nasty divorce so I am all too aware of the impact this can have on children. I also couldn't bare the thought of hypothetically another woman being a step mum to DD. Selfish perhaps, but a concern none the less.
So, I am feeling rather trapped in a relationship that feels as though it's beginning to fall apart but I cannot even begin to think what might happen if it does fail. Deep down I do love him, I just don't know how to re ignite the spark or even if it might be too late!