Mum always does what she wants for presents at Xmas...

[HedgeHogFoxBadger]

So my mum asked what my girls want for Xmas (16, 13 and 4) As she was shopping today. I said I’m not sure and was busy so couldn’t think.
She’s brought presents for them all which is fine but she has a 19 and 17yr old (my half sisters) who I will be expected to buy exactly off their list which has really annoyed me. She does this every year, does what she wants so now I’ve said ok I’m going to get your girls a voucher. Would I be wrong in doing this? I just feel like she does what she wants for my children and I have do what she wants for her girls x

She asked what they wanted, you didn't say, so she bought them what she thought they'd like? I don't see the issue?

She asked what they wanted At 11am, I didn’t reply because I was busy and by 1pm she had brought them what she wanted which is fine I don’t have a problem. But if I had done that for her girls she wouldn’t be happy

Meh?

thatguiltyfeeling
The issue is she calls up on the day of shopping and expects the OP to have pulled a Christmas list out her backside 2 months before Christmas and then used the lack of immediate answer to do her own thing.

And she seems to do this every year so has zero intention of actually getting OP's kids what they want.

Ah that makes more sense. Are their wish lists online, like amazon for example? Or are they written ones? If online I can kind of see why it would be annoying to buy someone something that I haven't said they wanted but if it's a paper or text one I understand your frustration.
I think it would be petty to buy your sisters a voucher when they're not the source of your anger, but if you're fed up of having to buy from a list just do it. Wish lists make my life easier but it's up to you.

@LolaSmiles I hadn't seen there was no immediate answer, I read the op as her mum texted, she replied she didn't know, so mum went out and bought something because that's what she was doing today. With more information I had a better idea of the situation and sympathise with the op however think she'd be unreasonable to take it out on the sisters.

Thank you lolasmiles. I’m actually sitting here I tears thinking I’m in the wrong but I don’t think I am.
She does this every year, gets what she feels is right which is fine but I spend so long trying to decide what to get for my half sisters that I’ve actually thought I’m
Doing vouchers this year and I want to focus on my own children

None of my children have wish lists at the mo, it’s barely November and we still have birthdays before Xmas!

Can you do this to her back? I know I know it sounds petty but I don't think I'd be able to help myself

Ffs who knows in October what anyone wants for Xmas with two hours' notice? You won't even get a valid gift recipe to exchange it probably.

You're not in the wrong at all OP!

If she calls you on shopping day every year and then uses that as an opportunity to say "well you didn't tell me so I just..." Then there's no intention of being fair or reasonable on her part. She's just ticking a box and then using your lack of answer as a way to push responsibility for her shitty actions onto you.

One of my relatives is a Christmas done by mid November type. They messaged me this week saying they're starting their shopping soon and what would we all like for Christmas. I'll get back to her in a week or two (usually after about the 3rd reminder because I'm not thinking of Christmas yet).

If you mum had a real interest and being organised then she'd do what my early Christmas relative does, not pass the buck in this way.

Next year get in really early and do the same to her to teach her a lesson.

Why would you even ask her about your sisters presents? Can't they suggest things to you themselves? Do they buy for you? If not then why not cut out gifts for siblings altogether. If your mother wants to buy for her grandchildren then let her continue that, but it's a bit daft to compare her buying for your kids with you buying for (her girls) your sisters. If you feel the need to get them something then just get vouchers.

I guess it’s always been like that. We/ she sets the price each year of what she wants to spend and we’re expected to spend the same on each, so £25 per child. Then with my mum and step dad and then she will buy me some random thing...
sorry if I’m being ungrateful it’s just to early to think about Xmas x

You're crying because your mum doesn't buy your children the presents you want her to buy them?

Buy your sisters vouchers, say thanks to your mum on Christmas day for the adequate gifts, go on with your life without giving this another thought.

I think it depends if your half sisters would like a voucher and if she buys your girls good presents (even if they are not specifically requested). Buying your sisters an unpopular present to spite your mum seems the wrong move imo.

Why do you call your sisters "her girls"?

Why does your mum have to have her Xmas shopping done before November?

Croquembou
That's really harsh. It's not the presents that's the main issue, it's the fact the OP's mother repeatedly behaves in a way that shows little regard for the OP and her family whilst expecting the OP to jump to her tune regarding her half sisters.

Then add in the buck passing where the OP's mum has asked what the girls want... 2 months early with no notice before the shopping trip, which then leaves her free to act like "but I did ask..."

Her mother's conduct and attitude is rather unfair.

Beabravo. I always call them my sisters but when posting this thought it’s easier to call them her girls...

Is there some sibling rivalry thing going on here? Like your sisters (you call them her girls 🤷‍♀️ ) get one kind of treatment and you by extension of your children get a different treatment and that’s upset you? I honestly don’t see why, other than the scenario above, you’d be crying over this.

It’s not exactly the end of the world if your mum gets her grandchildren presents she’s selected rather than ones you’ve told her about them wanting. There has to be more to this.

Do what's best for you, like she did was best for her. Don't even bother stressing over it, other folks won't. Vouchers - perfect for young women. If they don't like it, that would make them ungrateful!
Honestly, don't tear yourself apart. You sound kind, don't let people walk over you. X

I think it's glaringly obvious this is about more than a few xmas gifts.

And the OP has posted in Relationships, so that's what she's trying to explore. Give her a break.

Btw my teenagers (when they were teenagers) loved being given cash, earphones, chocolate and fruity ciders / beers for xmas from relatives.

Vouchers (since they morphed into those plastic card things) weren't so popular because many of them 'run out' (bloody rip off) 12 months after you pay for them, you can't see how much is left on them, and they are easily mislaid.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.
I’m sure I will end up getting something of their lists anyway!