Is this a bit weird?

[MelbaToast]

I've been dating this guy for a few months. We were friends for a long time and then lost touch for about 10 years when he got together with his partner who is the subject of this post. I bumped into him at the beginning of the year and we started talking again and got together in May. During this time we've basically been in catch up mode and have been learning about each other.

What he told me initially was how special this woman was and she passed away from breast cancer 6 years ago. I nearly cried and said how awful it must have been to lose someone who you were planning to spend the rest if your life with. He was really sweet and said how hard it was to lose her but he didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone and he was ready to move on and that he cared for me a lot.

Anyway, last night we got a bit drunk and started talking. The subject went on to the partner he had lost and I started to ask what she was like. Anyway, it turns out we have the same name and have the same breed of dog, that is the same colour and live in a similar area, just outside of London. He looked really sad when he started talking about her and it made me wonder if he was really over it, especially given the similarities between me and the woman who was clearly the love of his life. He was with someone else for a couple of years but he said they didn't have very much in common and the split was mutual.

I think my question is, do you think he's with me because of the similarities in lifestyle between me and his ex? What should I do about it?

I dont think so. Its ok if he lost someone, he knows he will never replace her. He may never get over it 100%. But you could take up the same space in his heart if not more. You will always have to share him with "her memory" but he probably knows nothing that comes if gonna replace her and he is just gonna go ahead and make more meaningful connections in his life. I dont think its a bad thing. I think its actually good. He holds his loved ones close to his heart. And stays true to them. You'd be lucky to be the next in line. (Thats if theres no other dodgy stuff going on) man of principles=good man.

Quite possibly, but I wouldn't see it as a bad thing. Maybe you and his former partner have similar interests and tastes and that's what lead you to the same area, maybe those are the things that matter most to him (either consciously or subconsciously). There's a lot of people out there who go for the "same type" over and over, because they are attracted to that type of person and those traits.

The dog thing is a huge coincidence I would imagine, I can't think that someone would make a relationship decision based on small details like that. I would give yourself more credit for just being a good person whose company he enjoys.

Not necessarily.

BUT I once has a short fling with someone who I had known at school and got back in touch with some years later.
His mother had passed away just weeks before he first asked me out on a date. He would frequently message me and often use my name both in conversation and texts. I found out his mum had the same name as me (and looked slightly similar, huge age gap obviously). It's a fairly unusual name as well. It really made me feel funny actually. I thought he just liked saying and hearing my name.. her name. The fling ended quite quickly as it just didn't feel right. So I see your point and why you'd be questioning this!

Thanks for the advice. I'm just not great at relationships and have had a tendency in the past to go for unsuitable men (probably why I don't trust myself particularly).

Is your dog a common breed?

Of course he's not over it. I had a cat that died 6 years ago and I wouldn't say I was "over" it. I still think about her and sometimes get sad. And this is a cat, not a person and not the person I expected to spend the rest of my life with.

In terms of the similarities, people have types, but the similarities you're talking about are pretty irrelevant. I doubt he was with her because of her name, breed of dog or her borough.