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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why does it hurt so much

11 replies

sableandI · 31/10/2019 12:38

I briefly dated a guy about a year ago. I've never felt so strongly about someone before him.

Whilst I was on holiday he started talking to another girl. We weren't official but he had made a point in that he doesn't do that so I took his word for it. I found out and walked away.

9 months later I saw him in passing and he messaged me. He said he was being friendly. I told him to stop messaging me. He did stop and then a few weeks later he would message again. At this point he was dating. I told him I had seen her and she was beautiful and I wished him good luck and to stop contacting me ( that was so hard to see). He carried on messaging even though I didn't reply. In the end I had to be hard on him and tell him to get lost. He stopped messaging. A few weeks later he is dating another girl and she has now met his mum.

I was holding on by a thread that he would want us to date again but he never said anything along those lines but did take an interest in me.

He lives local so I see him occasionally in passing but I'm usually driving.

How do I get over him? It's been over a year and I can't get him out of my mind

OP posts:
rvby · 31/10/2019 18:57

I'm sorry to hear this @sableandI. Can I ask a few questions? How do you know about the girls he is seeing / one of them meeting mum etc.

Also, can you say more about you wishing he'd want to date again? Would you want him back despite him lying etc early on?

sableandI · 31/10/2019 19:52

Thank you for your message rvby. I appreciate you taking time out.

I know about his dates etc as he lives local and I have seen them together and also the girls car on the drive over night etc. There is no other way past so I have to either drive with my eyes closed or just grin and bear it.

Would I take him back? Unfortunately, I think I would. Stupid I know and I'd tell anyone else saying this that they were being a doormat but how do I let go? I've tried so hard.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 31/10/2019 19:56

Oh god, don't take him back. That would be telling him he could do whatever he wanted and you'd put up with him.

Can you take a different route home until you're in a better place?

sableandI · 31/10/2019 20:06

HollowTalk I have to go past his place around 2/3 times a week as I visit my gran and it's a cul de sac and there is no other way past.

OP posts:
rvby · 31/10/2019 20:08

@sableandI bless you. It's horrible when things like this happen and despite your head knowing it's all wrong and for the best it's over, your heart is being an arse about it.

how do I let go? I've tried so hard.
I want to help you but I don't know you well enough to give you advice specific to you iyswim? I will ask a few questions and maybe we can come up with a plan between us based on those answers?

Do you work?
How much do you socialize and with whom?
When you were a little girl what was your favourite thing to do that made you feel calm and happy?

Would you say you are quite a realistic / pragmatic kind of person, or are you prone to fantasy / wishing for a different outcome etc?

Do you have anyone in your life who really listens to you and hears you out? xx

Yutes · 31/10/2019 20:10

It’s so sad - he knows you like him, so he’s keeping you around to boost his ego.

Can’t you block him?

category12 · 31/10/2019 20:12

Why haven't you blocked him so he can't message you?

sableandI · 31/10/2019 20:28

I don't have his number and didn't block him because I didn't want to keep his number in my contacts as I would be drawn to looking at his WhatsApp picture Confused

OP posts:
Yutes · 31/10/2019 20:35

You can block him on whatever method he uses to contact you. You don’t need to keep him in your contacts for that. So next time he sends a message, through whatever medium, just block it.

You’re only torturing yourself by not doing that.

He’ll Continue to message you because he wants to feel like you still want him. An ego boost of the one that got away.

Yutes · 31/10/2019 20:37

As for moving on - the best practical advice is to keep living your life. Do fun activities. Take up new interests. Meet new people. Travel. All those things. Then you will eventually not think about him/notice the car in the drive.

sableandI · 31/10/2019 20:50

Yutes thank you. I didn't realise you could block someone in that way. I will definitely block him if I hear from him again. I'll keep living and you are right he will eventually become a distant memory. Thank you

OP posts:
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