Lack of sex is breaking me

[Medusa86]

Long time lurker first time poster.
Been with my partner little over 2 years now, both in our 30's. things were great in the beginning very active sex life but the last 6 months have been pretty bleak, this is a topic that arises every week then causes arguments. I have an extremely high sex drive and once every 2 weeks sometimes longer really isn't enough, it's also very vanilla which isn't me either. He says its because hes tired and because hes put on weight ( weight is not an issue for me) and the last thing on his mind when we go to bed is sex! I just don't know how to get around this without ending the relationship. Hes very affectionate just not sexually...I'm miserable as fuck and cry every day 😭 any advice would be great. Thanks for reading

Op,

Have you tried helping around the house more? Clearly you must be pestering him and this is akin to abuse. Leave the man alone and when he wants sex, he’ll come to you. In the meantime wash the dishes; give him a lovely massage and run him a bubble bath.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

I’m sorry you’re going through this op. I always ask if there’s a medical condition first? Has he been to the doctor? This is important as conditions like low testosterone can also cause bone problems etc

If it’s not an illness, can you live with this? As he ages. It’ll only gets worse. It’s your call. I hope you can talk it through and find a compromise.

Read this article the other day:
www.gottman.com/blog/building-great-sex-life-not-rocket-science/

One of the things it says is that there are 13 things couple who have a good sex life in long-term relationships do:
They say “I love you” every day and mean it
They kiss one another passionately for no reason
They give surprise romantic gifts
They know what turns their partners on and off erotically
They are physically affectionate, even in public
They keep playing and having fun together
They cuddle
They make sex a priority, not the last item of a long to-do list
They stay good friends
They can talk comfortably about their sex life
They have weekly dates
They take romantic vacations
They are mindful about turning toward (this means paying attention to one another, responding to one another’s even subtle cues for attention)

If you think you do some of these things already and think you can build the other ones together over time, you have a chance. If he won’t even discuss building those things together then you’d best end it now.

Yes this is becoming a recurring theme on mn more and more. I'd be putting my money on excessive porn use in otherwise healthy men.

Y'all need to get your detective on...

@Sodisillusionedrn low libido can exist without porn addiction. That's the first conclusion that people jump to on these threads. Of course it happens but it's not the reason behind every couple with mismatched sex drives....

No sex, or intimacy, or even affection for almost nine years here. I know I need to get out, but have two kids and I can't face the upheaval. I've been to counselling and they've basically said I'm wasting my life and I need to start again. Family and friends say the same. So why am I holding on??!!! It's killing me. I met someone who will give me all of this, he's been waiting for me, but I've faffed about for so long, I think he's gone now :(

Crying every day is a very dramatic reaction to not having enough sex. You don’t have any reason to staying with someone who makes you so unhappy and it’s shit for your kids. It’s really not complicated. You’re not married, no shared children, not much to unpick so just end it and find someone else to share your life with.