dh said I am daft and f* ignorant

[cba]

was sat with dh last night when he started talking about moving out of the area. I agree but initially dont want to go to far as I dont want to take kids out of school just yet. yr2, reception - september. He said that when he was on business in another part of the country that it was more cultured and nicer, we do live in a nice area anyway.

I then said that I didnt fancy x as it was three hours away. He then said "you daft and fucking ignorant, I didnt mean there". I said there was no need to speak to me like that. Then he said he didnt even want to live in this country.

Now, I am still coming to terms with the fact he had an affair on and off for two years and getting over the lies and deceit. He then said " who is to say I want to fucking live with you anyway".

At the point I told him to fuck off get his clothes and leave me alone. I am not opposed to moving, but he his always working I look after three kids on my own 99.9% of the time, then to take me out of the only security I have with family close to me I just feel as though I couldnt do it.

Long term I do feel that I would like to move, perhaps even abroad.

Anyone been through anything similar?

jeepster, he wants a good life for our children, as do I. but to move to far at this moment in time with ds1 going into year 2 would be a bad move. He is a sensitive little boy and would not handle a move so well at this moment in time. ds2 would be fine, dd who is two would also be fine.

Maybe he would cope better than I think. But, I dont want him just to cope I want him to be happy.

what do you mean horsewoman?

His reaction just seems odd. Why is he quite so desperate to move away? Sometimes my husband might think something is for the best for us, but he wouldn't react like this if I said no. If he really thought it was something we needed to do, he would keep discussing it with me and probably discuss at another time as well. I accept all people are different, but this just seems odd.

Of course, I overlooked his stressful worklife until now.

horse, you are right if does have a very stressful work life, but, still does not give right to talk to me like that. We have talked since and he agrees that he was very inconsiderate the way he spoke to me and needs to think before he opens his mouth sometimes.

I said I do not have an issue moving from our current area, I want to. But not too far when I have both sets of parents a max of 20mins from me at the moment.

I could not consider a move abroad at this moment in time when I still feel so hurt from his affair.

I dont think he realised how much it still hurts me, I know he realises now.

That's what I mean, cba. There is nothing that would make my husband talk to me in that way, and we have both had our share of stress and trauma over recent months and years. That is why I said it doesn't quite add up.

And I don't think it is right for you to give in to something you don't want to do; quite the opposite in fact. If you wish to move abroad at a later date then he needs to accept that or go alone. If he has accepted it then good for him.

I am pleased he realises he hurt you. The world is full of people that bear grudges against us, do horrible things to us; we don't have to take that from the person who is supposed to love us most in the whole world.

He has a stressful job, so that excuses him talking to you like a piece of shit and fucking someone else, does it? Bollocks it does.

He's a prize prick. If you like, I'll come and kick in the cock for you.

What an arsehole.

He doesn't "need to think before he opens his mouth". If he had any respect for you, those thoughts wouldn't even enter his head, let alone come out of his mouth.

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Agreed HD!

Dior, I know it's become a bit of a joke of mine but the sentiment behind it isn't. There are so many arseholes treating their partners like shit. It makes my blood boil that they think it's normal to treat the one who loves them the most like that.

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Happydaddy, your wife is pretty lucky! You're lovely. I think we underestimate how many lovely men like you that there are out there, but even so... I hope she appreciates you!

She knows which side her bread's buttered, don't you worry.

I'm far from perfect, I know that. But come on, some basic human decency and consideration isn't exactly hard is it? If these blokes were treated the way they treat their partners, they'd soon be pissing and moaning about it.

HD, you crack me up!

Cba, other issues aside, it sounds like he thinks he is more of a catch than you. He's not.

thanks for that happydaddy, i think he has realised that he cannot speak to me like that.

He come home from work this evening to find the kids in bed, his clothes packed in cases - all of them, next to the front door.

We had a good talk and made it clear that I will not accept affairs, talking to me like shit when I have a different opinion to him and he puts the time and effort in that I deserve.

Lets see how things go.

Thanks everyone

Like everyone has said, there are 2 very separate issues here.

cba, for what it's worth, I live abroad and would not advise it if your relationship's at a wobbly stage. It can be very stressful. We're about to move even further away from the UK and we're having long spells apart while visas get sorted etc. I think you need your family's support just now.

Me & dh have rows but he would NEVER speak to me like that. I know everyone says things they don't mean when they're angry but if you're coping with stressful changes in home/school you need to know other areas of life are more stable.

Good Luck

cba, I wasn't defending him talking to you like that because of his stressful work life. I should have put after it. It was sarcasm when I said 'of course I overlooked his stressful worklife until now', in response to something you said about him having business pressures.

Just seen your last post: glad things are sorted for now. Keep us posted.

Good luck cba.