After a few years of wondering of wondering what the hell gets into my husband sometimes and why hes occasionally so awkward and frustrating, I've realised he has a number of passive aggressive traits.
It's really affected me at times and I have lost the plot on a few occasions (screaming banshee) and been so confused (miserably crying.) it's affecting our marriage as I don't know how to deal with it. At times I've wondered if he's abusive, When I've read Pat Craven's book and threads here, I don't recognise him.
It's also clear that when I do respond in the right way, he does listen and think and change.
So I've read a few bits, can identify that he had a very authoritarian father (though also very kind) and also very religious - this has been mentioned in a couple of places as a factor. All sons and I feel emotional intelligence wasn't fostered although their mother is the kindest person I know (after my own!)
We have also had other strains to deal with; young children, work pressures and I have some chronic health issues. I do think he's suffering from stress but woe betide he admits this as this is weak. 
So I've booked some counselling for myself. Partly to look at my reactions (I'm quite capable of PA when I run out of strategies or feel he won't listen) and partly to work out how to respond effectively to him. Assertively.
I've ordered two books from amazon which seem good.
Any other strategies anyone has? I'm crap at dealing with crap. I don't quick think quickly enough.