Best break up advice?

[SpangledBoots]

I'm 99% sure I'm breaking up with my bf of 5 years. Long story but effectively we want different things now and he's become a complete Jekyll and Hyde. We don't live together, thankfully.

I don't know where to start with unpicking things. What's your best break up advice?

I'm sorry to hear this. My best advice would be to write every reason down and analyse it, to make sure you're 100% happy with the reasons why the relationship is over.

Then draw up a mood board of exactly what you want your future to look like and what you're going to do now that you're single.

One of the hardest parts of breaking up a long standing relationship is staying apart, there's a lot of habits that might be hard to break. Having a new focus and a clean break will keep you on track and more positive.

But by all means, grieve.

A clean break will be the toughest thing.

Sorry you are going through this OP. You sound very sensible and strong. It will get better, time truly does heal in these cases.

Not the best or even very good advice but the most memorable break up advice I've ever been given... The best way to get over a man is to get under another one. I just took it as justification for a few fun rebound one night stands !

With thanks to Dua Lipa...

“One: Don't pick up the phone
You know he's only callin' 'cause he's drunk and alone

Two: Don't let him in
You'll have to kick him out again

Three: Don't be his friend
You know you're gonna wake up in his bed in the morning

And if you're under him, you ain't gettin' over him

I got new rules, I count 'em“

Sorry you’re going through this. Break ups are always difficult. But cut him loose as quickly as possible and move on. Pretend he doesn’t exist.

Pretty much dancing to Dua Lipa's tune here too: don't sleep with him; don't try and get back together; be a resolute hard-ass - and you can do both without being mean or losing the moral high-ground.

Now all I can think of is that song!

Now 100% sure. Break up done. God, this is hard.

Take time to grieve. Cry, scream, talk. Whatever it takes.

Think of all the things you like to do. I went through a break up 2 months ago and did lots of things that were good for me. Walking, shopping, reconnecting with friends.

Take it a day at a time.

All the best.

Short term pain for long term gain.

A clean break and no contact for at least a few months, otherwise your headspace is still in the relationship and the pain is always front of mind.

It's probably because I have needed counselling for various things but I've found a couple of counselling sessions after a break up can be a good way to talk through what you're feeling without judgement to an impartial person.

It's brought me peace after break ups rather than having it all whirring around my head.

Sorry OP it's shit and I hope you feel better soon

Oh and a killer playlist with no sad songs. Get a bit of Alanis on

Counselling is a good idea actually. It was all quite complicated in the end and I have a habit of simplifying things so might not process it all.

I was thinking about taking a trip by myself for a few days - good idea?

How did you get rid of your ex's stuff?

How did you get rid of your ex's stuff?

As quickly as possible, as neatly as possible.

Box it up and tell him when you’ll be dropping it off (outside his place). Or leave it at yours and tell him to collect it (you’ll be out) but that leaves it open to whether he’ll come by for it.

What you don’t do is arrange an exchange of his stuff so it’s another opportunity to see each other.

Look after yourself. Its tempting to go into a bottle of wine, or eat loads of shit, or mope around. Don't (or do it once or twice ;) , rest but eat as healthily as you can, go for walks, meet up with friends you haven't seen in a while, meditate, journal, be in nature, be with people who make you happy, cuddle, laugh, sing, dance and learn to be alone again.

The stuff he's left here isn't stuff he'll be bothered about. Just some clothes and books mainly. A lot of things I bought him - including a loooovely bottle of whiskey!

Just back from coffee with a friend after a long walk first thing. No alcohol consumed yet but I've not been able to bring myself to eat.

Well done OP. No contact is the way forward, you don't need to be friends and are not better people for trying to be. Box his stuff up asap, don't get sentimental, drop it off or doorstep collection from him, no 'just' popping in for a cup of tea or anything. No reminiscing about better times.

Counselling is a brilliant idea, let it all out there and put your time into yourself, see friends, look forward to a future life that will be better and more full as a result of being brave enough to not stay with someone who isn't quite right! Don't leap into dating, you really don't need to 'get under' (vom) a man to get over one, you can just get over one without needing a man to bolster your self esteem or distract you.