I know that sounds like a weird thread title but I’m just sitting in shock. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and we have lived together in his house for 11 months. We were together 4 years ago and it didn’t end very well so I should have known better really but I’ve always excused the way he is as he had such a bad childhood and I know that he can be so affectionate and loving.
I was living in a rented house with my daughter and I was struggling financially. He told me that I could move in with him and he would not want any money just for me to pay for the internet and the food shop. So we moved in. I had reservations as when we had had arguments, he would call me a bitch and hang up on me. Then he would apologise the next day. I now feel like a total idiot.
When I eventually moved in, it was only about a month before he told me he wanted me to start to contribute financially even though he said I didn’t have to as his new job (he lost his long term job) only paid £400 a week which was half what he was getting before. I told him I couldn’t afford to at that time as we’d booked a holiday, paying monthly for it. This didn’t go down well as he said I was a selfish bitch- sponging off him etc. I said that he told me I didn’t have to pay but I would when we’d paid the holiday off. Things quickly got worse. He went to his grandmas for the weekend and me and my daughter tidied the whole house and made it look lovely. He walked in a said “oh it looks nice in here... but why didn’t you wash the shower curtain?” We were really deflated as it took us all day to tidy! Then he went on holiday with his mum and stepdad. I emptied his HUGE washing basket and washed/dried everything. I laid it all on the bed so that he could put it all away and know where it was (I’d be so annoyed if I couldn’t find everything in my wardrobe/drawers) and also simply because I was busy! I work 60+ hours a week. He said if I wasn’t going to do a job properly not to fucking bother as I was fucking lazy and and never completed anything!
The insults were persistent. If I tidied the whole entire house on Saturday before taking my daughter to her gym class, but I didn’t have time to hoover, he’d explode and say I wasn’t pulling my weight. I am a woman so I should do everything in an ideal world. Also, the fact that I didn’t contribute as much money as he thought I should meant I should do everything in the house. I am a full time teacher and work for 10 hours on Sunday. I literally work every minute I’m awake. He commented constantly on everything I did wrong and everything my daughter did wrong too- don’t run the tap while you’re brushing your teeth, don’t stand on toilet to look in mirror, don’t run on grass and get it all muddy, no shoes in house etc. One Sunday (my daughter is with her dad on sundays) his dog ate a £100 bag of weed. That was my fault?!!! Anyway, we went on holiday and it was a disaster so bad I had to go to another hotel. He screamed and shouted at me because I didn’t want to have sex with him. He said I was a fucking slag and when there were mosquitoes buzzing around the room so I put the light on, he put it straight off and said “I hope you get bitten to death” which I did- I was full of bites. He said cry yourself to sleep you bitch you’ve made my life a misery for 2 years. The next day he was sat with another couple at breakfast and I saw red. I am not a violent person. I don’t even get mad. I do a lot of yoga/meditation and read a lot of self help books (ironically) and I lost it that morning. I went over and said are you telling your new friends how you called me a botch last night? He was so shocked and helpless because he couldn’t do anything about it. I cried and cried on the beach all day while he played volley ball. That night, I walked in the room at about 11pm and he was drunk. He woke up and asked if I was pleased with my behaviour and I ignored him. I got in bed and he pulled the covers off me. I started to argue back for only the 2nd time in two years and he threw a glass of water in my face and called me a daft cunt. So I stood over him and emptied 2 litres of water on top of his head. He then pulled the cover from under me- sending me flying onto the floor. He then went to sleep and the next morning I went to another hotel. He shouted to his new friends “she’s finally gone!” When we got back home, he was full of apologises and I did start the process to move but he said he was giving up smoking weed (I’ve never once smoked it in my life but I feel it makes him very angry when he’s not smoked it) he didn’t smoke for 4 weeks and he was so different. He’s 32 and has smoked weed since he was 15 so very dependent on it. We had a happy few weeks but the walking on eggshells never stopped and him picking on everything I did never stopped either.
I finally decided that I needed to leave. I just didn’t feel the same about him anymore. I get the keys to my new house tomorrow morning. Tonight; he screamed and shouted at me for 1.5 hours. He told me it was all my fault and that if I would have contributed and pulled my weight, he never would have called me names. He said “sticks and stones break bones but names don’t hurt so get over it” I made one comment about his sister and he flew at me. He grabbed me by my hair and actually lifted me clean off the bed and threw me against the wall. He then picked a plant up and threw it against the wall. He then preceded to empty every drawer and tell me to get the fuck out of his house right now. He has taken my key off my key ring and said I can’t have my stuff until Saturday when he finishes work. Now I’m sat at my mums broken and thinking “maybe he was right about contributing? Maybe I made him mad and he didn’t eat to talk to me about helping more” I just can’t believe this is my life. So sorry for the ramble but I needed to get it out just to see it in black and white. I have googled “emotional abuse” and “is this abuse” for 6 months now and I’m just in shock and feeling like maybe I have some responsibility in this?!