Maternal love

[Buzb]

I have a bad relationship with my own mother felt unloved and even asked what would make her love me and she answered she didn't know!! I feel like my own daughter dislikes me and doesn't love me! Now I've written this thread I know it's the damage my own mother has done but how do I get over this it makes me feel so sad and unhappy is it natural bonding that's amiss??

Have you got any evidence that your DD dislikes you? Could it just be an anxious fear you have, based on your own perfectly understandable anger at your mum?

It's clear, as you asked your mum what would make her love you, that you are not like her at all, you're a very loving person. xxx

I feel your pain, although I have 2 boys. Ds1 was born into a family that was not loving, I had issues before and after he was born. He connected with his paternal grandparents and I lost him as a result. He is 22 now and I haven't seen or spoken to him since he was 18. As crap as it sounds, I don't feel guilt because I never bonded with him.
Ds2 however, is a totally different story, he is the result of a 2nd marriage and he taught me how to love, unfortunately his dad was an abusive asshat. So we became a unit of 2, he is so like me it's scary, but I love him so much.
My mother was an emotionally absent parent, so I had no idea how to to hugs and stuff with ds1, ds2 is a spontaneous hugger, so I got used to it.
Counselling is usually recommended in these situations, if it works it works, if it doesnt, like me you end up bitching about things that don't help.
Counselling may be your answer

My mother is horrible. She openly admits she wishes I had never been born, and she prefers my younger sister.

I adore my dd. And she doesn't seem to mind me either... she always comes running to see me when I pick her up from nursery, waits for me by the door etc.

I guess it's relative. Bet you a million pounds that your dd loves you to the moon and back.

How old is your dd? When they're babies I think it's quite normal to feel like that.

She is 14, but have always had this feeling find it hard to overcome and always have to remind myself you can't inherit dislike but also wonder if I'm parenting wrong always analysing how I act if it's right or wrong way! I want to feel natural and maternal but underlying feel like it doesn't matter if I do everything or nothing she seems to show dislike :(

I always found it extremely hard with ds1, to show my love. When you have no example of how it's done, how can you do it?
I know it has been said that, due to the bond it's easy and all these parents who say, I took one look at my baby and fell in love, but what is this bond, how does loving a child feel?
Ds2 is 14 as well, i am lucky with him that we are very close.
How does your dd react to hugs? Maybe start by asking her to give you a hug or just say you would love a hug sometimes.

Thank you for your message really pulled at my heartstrings "what is this bond" that's what I keep asking myself. I don't ask for many hugs as she always says no last night I asked and she touched her foot on my leg and then said there you go that's a hug ! It makes me feel very sad

I hope that as she gets older and finds someone that they introduce her to the wonders of a hug. In the meantime persevere with asking for hugs and maybe explain the situation in a way she'll understand because ultimately it isn't your fault.
Do you have a partner? How are you with them?

Please get some counselling. If you don't get on with the first one, try another.

My mum had an awful relationship with her parents and didn't resolve her feelings towards them until they finally died and she had bereavement counselling. It has affected every relationship she has ever had.

I was an absolute shit when I was 14 but deep down I still loved my mum and eventually we got on really well again.

It does effect me hugely with my husband he tries to understand! You have given me hope that one day there may be some understanding between me and my daughter what age do I explain myself to her I don't want her to feel anything is her fault :(

If I was you I'd start now. She's 14, I wouldn't go into explicit detail, just the bare bones and don't expect miracles.
Teenagers as KellyHall says, can be a nightmare, but ultimately if you continue to keep up the hug attempts they get used to it.

and then said there you go that's a hug !
And at this point, I'd have grabbed my DD and given her a huge big hug and let her know that what I had just done was hug. All in a good fun jokey way.
I wasn't maternal at all.
But I love my DD with all my heart.
At 14 she was shocking. An absolute nightmare.
When she turned 16 she just changed.
We are best friends now.
We have a great relationship.
Lots of 1 on 1 time is required.
Movie nights.
Cinema.
Shopping.
Getting nails done.... etc....
You'll get there.
Have you had any counselling for yourself to tackle your childhood?
That might help as well.