Zero clue about online dating. Teach me please!

[tapestryoftheheart]

Separated after the best part of 20 years. I am curious about on line dating. I have never downloaded any app and don't know which is best . When I googled it there and s so much information I got totally confused.where do I begin? I don't want anything serious or sleazy. I'd love a friend possibly with benefits. Company to have dinner/ watch a film/ long walks with. I'm 44 in body but 30 at heart! Thanks

I'm new to it all too, have signed up to the Bumble app which is where men can't contact you but you contact them. Also Tinder, you have to like each other (swipe right) for contact to be made. It's all very strange and am just getting the hang of it myself

So in bumble it would be only the woman who can make contact! That's enticing. I worry about the rejection. I am
Afraid of being insulted for whatever reason. My exh did quite a number on me!
How does tinder work then? Is it based on a specific geographical area or do you put settings in for that?

Anyone else ??

Be wary! Lots and lots of weirdos out there who come across as nice guys but then they say something and you suddenly realise why they are single...!

I’m not an expert. Been in Plenty Of Fish and some other free one. Seems like a lot of horny men, many of whom are secretly married, just looking for free sex.
Just be careful, trust nobody, talk online for ages and find out all about them. Don’t feel like you need to respond to all messages you get, you don’t, just ignore them and don’t feel bad, that’s how it works. Be very careful how much info you give out. Dont name your street or work’s name or anything people can find you at as my pal randomly said ‘yeah I work in xxx’ and the dude turned up hanging about waiting for her, creepy. The girls on shift there were terrified as it was early morning.
My pal got lucky on a paid site. Met a lovely guy who is solvent and not a weirdo. So it may be worth paying more for a classier dude??

Come join us in the dating thread, op. Lots of brilliant advice.

Thank you! I will go on over for a look !
Am I being naive to think that there are men in the sites who are there for friendship with a bit more ?genuinely lovely men?
I ama bit embarrassed and I am
Worried that local people might see me and my profile. Are these public?

Only other people signed up can see profiles as far as I'm aware! I've matched with local men but it's not horrible, just kinda funny.

I've met some nice guys, and am currently dating someone I met on Tinder. I was initially after something casual but he's pretty great so we're giving it a go with dating for real. We'll see!

I recently downloaded Tinder and Plenty of Fish and got rid of both fairly quickly. I got absolutely bombarded by messages etc from a multitude of men, most seemed weird or vain or pervy. I could understand if I were beautiful or young, but I'm neither. Tinder seemed to be almost entirely focused on hooking up for sex too. The only one I'd recommend is Bumble, and seriously, if they don't reply do you really care? They're complete strangers at the end of the day. I decided to give up altogether as most guys (and women) seemed to want to endlessly message you, there doesn't seem to be a need to actually meet up with people on these apps, or maybe I'm just not interesting enough lol. I'm not great with keeping up with messaging, prefer the face-to-face approach so I think I've decided to just leave it alone. If you enjoy exchanging messages with people however, then definitely give it a try, if nothing else it's a good way to pass the time and see who's out there

My calculations on OLD is that you'll probably like 5% of the 5% about 1% will be dateable.
The rest will ghost, gaslight, show their true colours (red flags) or be rude.
So it's not about the dating site really, it's about your attitude to the dating site which in reality should be nonchalant, meh if one comes along then so be it.
Good luck.

I met my boyfriend through bumble. We’re both far too skint to use anything paid for! There was at least one normal, lovely man on there but I had him ha ha. You’ve got to be prepared to not take it too seriously or be invested too early otherwise you could be hurt by the behaviour of some men that you wouldn’t really want to be involved with. If you’re willing to go for it and see what happens then give it a whirl!

Assume all of them are lying.

Lots of married men on there looking for a shag.

Video chat with them one time so they really look as they say they do.
Don't send nudes. You don't know where they will end up. Don't sex talk unless you just want a shag.

Don't spend ages with them chatting online as the weirdos/narcs are really good at creating a good fake persona of everything you want to hear and some just want a pen pal and never want to meet.

Meet in a public place for a coffee. So if they're not right, you can go in 20 minutes.

As a lurker round here for a while, I at last joined because I’ve been on OLD seasoned member on Match for a year and believe me never give your phone number unless you’re sure of them. Most of them are in a rush to get to get you off the website and get you onto WhatsApp so they can just talk dirty without fear of the mods throwing them off. Take care x

Gosh after these replies I'm nearly scared of dipping my toe back in the water!the way I feel about men in general at the moment would not put me in a favourable position for yet another man to fuck me over ! Might keep away for the moment but thanks so much for replies!

Also something someone said to me is if you don't meet them within three days then you never will. People are right a lot of married looking for sex and full of crap I d say chat for a few days then arrange to meet up if they come up with excuses then move on. It's all a numbers and luck game really and you do need a tough skin. There are those who are lucky and I don't think paying makes any difference. Good luck and take it all lightly and go on the dating thread.

I can give you some pointers but I haven't been very successful so take them with a pinch of salt:

1. It's a numbers game. Talk to and arrange to meet several people; don't put all your eggs in one basket.
2. Don't wait too long to meet. Have a chat, meet up for coffee, decide if you want a proper date.
3. Be honest on your profile about how you look and what you're looking for.
4. Don't string people along if you're not interested. Just move on.
5. Be prepared to meet a lot of frogs.
6. Once it starts to become a chore, have a break.
7. Use it in addition to other methods of meeting people e.g, hobbies, classes etc
8. Keep yourself safe, even if you've been chatting to someone for a while (not a good idea) you'll feel like you know them, but you don't.
9. Don't bother with paid sites; most people are on several sites at the same time so you'll just be wasting money.

@Squirrelonapetridish

I'm new to it all too, have signed up to the Bumble app which is where men can't contact you but you contact them. Also Tinder, you have to like each other (swipe right) for contact to be made. It's all very strange and am just getting the hang of it myself

For me, too, this system has always been strange, that you can write only when a pair coincides

@cupcaske123

I can give you some pointers but I haven't been very successful so take them with a pinch of salt:

1. It's a numbers game. Talk to and arrange to meet several people; don't put all your eggs in one basket.
2. Don't wait too long to meet. Have a chat, meet up for coffee, decide if you want a proper date.
3. Be honest on your profile about how you look and what you're looking for.
4. Don't string people along if you're not interested. Just move on.
5. Be prepared to meet a lot of frogs.
6. Once it starts to become a chore, have a break.
7. Use it in addition to other methods of meeting people e.g, hobbies, classes etc
8. Keep yourself safe, even if you've been chatting to someone for a while (not a good idea) you'll feel like you know them, but you don't.
9. Don't bother with paid sites; most people are on several sites at the same time so you'll just be wasting money.

Totally agree with all of these.

I met my lovely, lovely husband online.

Date like a man. Don’t become overinvested.