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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My partners oral hygiene routine is rank

36 replies

SheepGoesBaa · 30/10/2019 16:40

I'm with my partner for nearly three years. I didn't see his poor oral health cleaning routine at first. He comes around and stays overnight with me about twice a week. Sometimes I notice some stains on the pillowcase but they were only ever light stains. In the beginning of our relationship, I think he brushed his teeth at night. Now though, I don't think he does. He goes to the bathroom but he doesn't take the toothbrush from my bedside table. I change his toothbrush monthly or every 6 weeks.

I don't know what he does when he is at home. He is a good person. He does a lot to help his aging parents and he works hard in a bar. He works odd shifts. Some times late nights, other times day shifts, other times he works night shift followed by a morning and day shift. So, I could see how his work would impact on his Orla health care. He is probably too wrecked and tired and exhausted to brush his teeth.

Another issue I have with him not brushing his teeth at night, is, I don't think he spends long enough brushing his teeth in the morning.

All this came to a head the other morning. We woke up and there was a quite large and substantial blood stain on the pillowcase. It was huge. He pointed it out first and apologised. I said not to worry, that will come out easily in the was but I was alarmed. I asked we're his gums sore? He said it's just soft gums.

He's not looking after his oral health at all. This worries me.

I don't have great teeth myself but I do my best to look after them. I brush 2/3 times a day. I use mouthwash in between brushing. I floss (not every night). I have a water flosser. I'm doing the best I can for my teeth and mouth.

OP posts:
time4an3wname · 31/10/2019 07:42

My DH is terrible at brushing at night and his teeth aren't good. I have occasionally asked have you brushed and he says "not yet" then starts zzzzzz snoring. I don't know what you can do, it's his choice. He generally brushes in the morning. I think also it's diet, my DH has good food but eats a lot of sweets and biscuits so it's on his teeth.

My DHs teeth look bad very stained, but he does go to the dentist regularly since we switched to NHS as so much cheaper. My teeth aren't perfect either, but I care. It does sound bad on the bleeding.

TemporaryPermanent · 31/10/2019 07:44

Is he scared? Bleeding on the pillow case is quite extreme. He needs to go back to the dentist pronto, that's not normal.

Really sad and frustrated at all these nonwashing, nonselfcaring men on MN this morning [hassles ds]

SheepGoesBaa · 31/10/2019 12:22

I bought him an electric toothbrush last year with the black Friday. He does use that from what I can see. When I was over in his place, it was on the bathroom windowsill with a coating of toothpaste, clearly not rinsed away.

I had a dentist appointment back in June and my dentist said I have some inflammation. I do have a gum that bleeds easily above one tooth. I have a water flosser but I only really used that once a week. Just over the past week, I started using that twice a day - morning and night and the transformation already in my upper gums is amazing. I can see that the gums are turning from red to pink and I'm bleeding less.

I would buy the man a water flosser if I knew he would use it.

OP posts:
Bearski77 · 01/11/2019 11:57

Omg, my dh never brushes his teeth either. Maybe once a week at the most. It's disgusting and I am sick of it, i have to build a duvet barrier between us when he gets into bed. This is only one thing on the long list of the problems we have. I's just too soft to say anything because I don't want to hurt his feelings, but it's ridiculous!

Countryescape · 02/11/2019 02:02

That is foul

RantyAnty · 02/11/2019 03:01

You've tried to hint, encourage and all that but I think you'll have to be blunt.

No adult fun time until he gets his mouth sorted out. There's link between poor oral hygiene and heart disease too.

It's disgusting.
It really makes you wonder how grown men get to the point of rarely brushing their teeth.

fantasmasgoria1 · 02/11/2019 07:23

My ex was the same. He is an alcoholic and would badly self neglect. He never brushed his teeth for months on end, he would never shower, wearing the same clothes for months on end and would sleep in them. He was dirty, his breath smelled awful and his hair was just a ball of grease. My fiance is very good with his personal hygiene.

SheepGoesBaa · 02/11/2019 19:33

Thanks for the replies. My partner is a good man so I'm at a difficult spot really with this.

I had a busy week after writhing this but I got a free spot this afternoon and made into my local city. I bought a range of supplies for him and hopefully he will use them. I bought toothpaste and mouthwash that is like a corodsyl (spelling?) equivalent but it doesn't taste foul and its non staining for teeth. It's expensive but hopefully he will use it. I got him a sonicare air flosser water flosser too. I have a waterpik but all I could find in the city was the sonicare.

My mam is right. Men are fcuking useless when it comes to a lot of things and taking care of themselves. He probably just isn't aware of all that's available to help this oral problem. Hopefully he will use the supplies I got him and hopefully he will go back to the dentist too. I can understand him not going back to the dentist because of financial reasons.

OP posts:
SheepGoesBaa · 02/11/2019 19:35

Lol at duvet barrier bearski.

OP posts:
QuestionEverythingOrBeASheep · 03/12/2020 11:40

Gum disease (periodontitis) is associated with an increased risk of developing heart disease. Poor dental health increases the risk of a bacterial infection in the blood stream, which can affect the heart valves. Oral health may be particularly important if you have artificial heart valves.

babbaloushka · 03/12/2020 12:18

Is his breath not rank? That decay from the filling won't smell good

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