My DH is such a miserable fucker

[SalamanderOnHoliday]

He’s a complaining whingeing knob. All he talks about is politics and the dire state of politics, big long monologues when we are out with friends. Everything is worthy of a whinge and he shows no interest in me or what I’m doing.

It’s alwayd my fault, whatever it is, or someone else’s fault never his.

All the fun has gone.

He’s had severe depression in the past. He is always right.

I’m really struggling to remember the good points.

We are news junkies in our house, but of late have decided to watch less. Not out of fatalism but realising it was having a depressive effect on our evenings. A friend who is depressed watches no news at all. Which has a certain charm.

Just tell him he's boring and that you want to talk about something other than politics

Have you sat him down and told him what you've said in your OP?

Do you think you posted on MN because you want to try to change things within the marriage or because you want to end the marriage? Do you think it's repairable?

He’s much better when he’s not following the every day news. We don’t listen to local news any more which really helped as the thing that led to his nervous breakdown was all over that for months (again that wasn’t his fault....hmmm, yes, some of it was).

When he reads the economist it’s ok, but it’s the knee jerk daily stuff that he’s picked up again.

I follow politics, I’m interested in it, but I know not everyone is and also being relentlessly down on it all isn’t a way to have a fun evening/life.

I’ve just said a shortened version as the first thing I was met with when getting out the shower this morning was a rant about US politics and Fox News. I was pissed off and it showed as it’s been building up.

I think I’m worried he’s showing signs of the depressed behaviour again, which manifested itself in lots of ranting (he wasn’t a quiet depressed person). I got sucked into that.

My tactic has to be to detach I think. Walks in the morning before work and gym after work. At least I might lose som3 weight!

My mum reads the daily fail and loves nothing more than to read out loud every word from every single depressing story every fucking morning and evening. In front of the little kids Too, so is one of the many reason I don't visit often anymore. I hate it.

I think if you are going to stay with him that you do need to find a way of disassociating from his behaviour, if you can. I would also point out that the behaviour is happening more and so you would like him to consider what he needs to do for his wellbeing and for the sake of the marriage. Perhaps he is oblivious to his own behaviour and doesn’t see the extent of it or the impact it’s having.

Yep, he’s completely oblivious, my reaction to it is the problem apparently.

At the best of times he’s not good at reading people, or, wilfully ignores what he’s reading.

I’m naturally quite quiet, but tend to seethe away till I explode. I think I need to speak up more and sooner.

Sorry for not replying sooner, work got in the way!

If he’s blaming your reaction, that’s not ok. You’re allowed to have feelings.

If he won’t try to get help and continues the behaviour even after you’ve told him that it has an adverse impact on you, that’s very telling about how he sees you in his priorities.

I would want to see him listening and responding to what you’re saying and not dismissing or minimising your feelings and saying you’re the problem.

Are you too polite OP? I just yell "Stop bloody moaning".

I repeat until it gets through.

Start calling him 'Victor'

Seriously though, this is really bringing you down too, isn't it? Are his rants often presented as a question? If he's raging about something and says "Why can't they do ...?" or "How can .... be allowed?" because if so, then don't engage. He's looking for a verbal sparring partner. Just answer with non-committal things like "I'm sure you're right" or "Really?" or "Oh dear!".

My dh bores me to tears every evening with tales from his work. Some of the time I just pretend to listen. Would you be able to try that?

I told mine I just can’t hear it in the mornings, then try to allow a set time (in my head) after work, and some messages in the day on politics! I also roll my eyes though, so that’s not helpful!

I’m kind of glad it’s not just me....

It’s clearly doing your head in....do you imagine a peaceful quiet life with some lighthearted tv on (think murder she wrote) or similar.....and a glass of wine .....being a sounding board for some armchair politician is my idea of personal hell - can’t stand bores who waffle on relentlessly I can’t put up with it

You could try to explain how the ranting is making you concerned about his MH and see if he will see the GP. If he won't then you need to try and change your behaviour until you decide what you want to do in the longer term regarding the relationship.

I would do as others have suggested, go out for a walk (perhaps he would come with you) leave the room if you sense the rant is going to escalate. Watch something on your laptop or go on the internet or read rather than watching news with him on the TV. Put on headphones so that he can't engage. Starve him of the oxygen to ignite discussion or ranting. Identify when he is most likely to start raving about the news and avoid the trigger. If you want to engage a bit then decide a time limit e.g. 10 minutes a day and " allow" him that in your head and then excuse yourself and go and do something else.

Good luck

I used to not watch the news at all or read it ( I didn't know Michael Jackson was dead until 6 weeks later.or that Kate Middleton was pregnant with Louis until she gave birth) now I have my iPhone and am news addicted. I hate it and am considering getting rid. It's all so depressing.