Am I being unfair?

[QuestionableDanceMoves]

New relationship born out of OLD, really like him, get on great, lots in common, things are going well.

However, he likes to send me photos- not dick pics, just selfies, occasional one from just out the shower- nothing risqué
I’ve also sent a couple of photos- no nudes, nothing overtly sexual
The thing is, a couple of times, he’s sent a pic and then said something like “if that doesn’t get something back nothing will 😂” or “play fair”
I’ve told him twice now that I don’t like that, that I don’t like feeling pressured to do something and that it makes me uncomfortable. I’ve said I’ll send him photos when I choose to not because he’s hinting that I should.
Both times he’s apologised, said he was just playing and that he now feels crap which then makes me feel bad and I wonder if I’ve over reacted.

I was in an abusive marriage for over a decade, abuse is still ongoing from exh as we have dc so there’s always a reason for him to contact me. I often put myself in positions where I wasn’t comfortable with him and I promised myself I wasn’t going to “people please” at my expense anymore.

This is the only niggle I have, he’s an otherwise great guy but I don’t trust my reactions to things anymore- maybe he was playing and I took it the wrong way? I don’t know

Trust your reactions and keep restating your boundaries - if he doesn’t get the hint soon bin him off, as a nice guy wouldn’t continually overstep when you’ve told him you’re not comfortable doing that.

Either he’s a bit thick and can’t remember from one week to the next that you don’t want to send him rude photos, or he’s messaging a few women with these pics and can’t remember which one will and which won’t.

If it’s A then eventually he’ll get it, if it’s B he won’t.

I don’t think you’re overreacting. I especially don’t like the “play fair” comment; it’s like he’s forcing you into a game you don’t want to play and using his photos to you as leverage over you.

No, you're not wrong. In my experience, this was very common in OLD. I was mainly on POF and blokes would soon want to move the chat onto Whatsapp. Going by their subsequent behaviour, the main reason for doing this was because it's easier to try and get photos etc. I really hate photos of myself, and have sworn that if I ever do OLD again and they try and make me do this I'll make it clear I won't do it even sooner than I did.

Well done for being assertive. xxx It doesn't matter if you 'made him feel crap''- that's kind of an attempt to guilt trip you. You had to say what you said, and you've done nothing wrong in doing so. xx

He’s been told twice now, so if he does it again, that’s your answer. Good for you for being assertive.

He sounds like a douchebag OP.

Ugh.

He’s a loser and that’s me being nice as what he actually is in my opinion is a wank— and that is what he wants to do by asking for nude or semi nude pictures.
I take it that OP has never met face to face and this is all online ??

If a guy was really nice and that into you he would respect your boundaries because he wouldn't want to upset you or piss you off in case you got turned off him!

'Play fair' vom. He sounds like a poser and a twat OP, who cares more about getting what he thinks he deserves than he does the concept of respect for women's feelings. You are not responsible for his feelings, or his expectations. He has no 'needs' you are not fulfilling by saying no so you have nothing to feel you are falling short on.

His apologies are BS, OP. He's just saying what he needs to to keep you on side, I expect he'll keep trying various things until you acquiesce, or until you feel sufficiently guilty or insecure that you'll do it and think it was your own idea.

I'd dump and run, honestly OP in the nicest possible way I'd think about whether you're ready to date if it's throwing up issues such as these and you are doubting yourself. Dating after an abusive relationship is quite a vulnerable thing; you do not need some douchey manipulative guy you met online make you doubt yourself. You're worth more than some cringey shower selfies and comments like 'play fair' - as if his selfie is so enticing you would be powerless to resist. It's grim.

Avamiah- we have met, we’ve been dating for about 3 months

You’re all right, I should trust myself and my instinct on this
The pictures I’ve sent have not been nude or even remotely close to it which is why I feel like he’s been trying to push for more. If he can’t remember or understand that it’s not something I’m up for and certainly don’t want to be pressured into then, no, he’s not the man for me.

Unfortunately this is my third attempt at dating since my marriage ended 4 years ago and each one has ended up being a douche bag- I clearly attract a certain type of man

If you must send something, only send send the sort of pic that you wouldn’t care if your employer, Mum, friends saw. Otherwise very risky if the relationship ends. Plus he’s not respecting that you’ve already said no, and are not comfortable. Don’t be coerced into doing something you may regret.