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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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3 replies

CClarence84 · 30/10/2019 00:04

I'm desperately unhappy in my relationship and to top things off in my career.
My other husband of 15 years Is a nice guy but he's incredibly selfish he has a hobby that takes him awsy from home a lot, I've put up with this because it helps with his mental health but he spends more and more money on it take trips abroad with friends to peruse it (we've not had a family hoilday for over 6 years)
I took a promotion just over a year ago and this means I no longer work weekends, instead of using this as family time he now uses it to peruse his hobby, we've ended up in debt for him to fund it having to borrow money from his parents to pay it off! He NEVER visits his parents or siblings or my family who we live hours away from (I travel with our child 4/5 times a year and visit both sides of the family without him).
Last year when I told him I was unhappy and at breaking point he told me if I left him he'd move abroad and not help me financially and I would end up homeless (our home is tied to his job) our child ended up in hospital (totally unrelated) & I got all the promises that things will change NOTHING has if anything it's worse.
I stay up half the night to avoid getting into bed with him and genuinely feel like I'm going insane playing this game..... I just can't get the courage to walk awsy I'm scared I'm going to do so thing drastic to get out of this and feel like I have nowhere to turn and just want to run away

OP posts:
Richmond78 · 30/10/2019 00:15

Will your family not help you but you need to get out of there asap he obviously doesn't love you couples should have things in common he's only interested in himself you should spend the next few weeks organising somewhere else for you and your kids to stay and just leave and don't go back only then will your life improve.

Interestedwoman · 30/10/2019 00:33

' I'm going to do something drastic to get out of this'

If you feel like that, perhaps you should see your GP. But you don't have to do anything drastic- you can leave. xx

Sorry to hear you're not happy in your career either. Maybe you're a bit overstressed/depressed?

CClarence84 · 31/10/2019 00:01

Thank you for responding.
I think he's aware I'm on the edge and I feel like he's playing games with me asking about my five year plan and telling me he wants to travel and out child will be out of the house by then so I should think about where I'd like to settle and what I'd want to do! I'm unsure if it's just because of my frame of mind I'm overthinking things.

My family are just so far away and realistically can't help with much, I guess I've been self sufficient for so long I don't really want to have to rely on anyone.
I think the GP option might be for the best in the short term then I can process what's right for me and my child, I don't want to up root from school and ruin another life in the process

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