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Original poster

Partners ex wife has been tracking partner...what do we do?

47 replies

Londongirl07 · 29/10/2019 20:08

So to cut a long story short we have just found out my partners ex wife has been tracking him for the past 2 and half years. My partner has the find my friends app where he has my location, the kids location and his mums location, this is all for safety reasons only, I have his location and my kids too, this is all it’s for to ensure they’re coming to and from school safe etc.

Anyway his ex found the find my friends app on their sons phone and his son has my partners location too and with that has been using it for the past 2 and half years watching our every move.

What can we do about this? I know it was on their sons phone but that was solely for him not for her!

She’s mixed up with the wrong crowd and I have also been told people she knows from that crowd know who I am (she must’ve shown photos?) and have followed me and I now worried to safety of my kids. I have lived in the same home for 12 years and never had an issue and recently I’ve had my tyre not slashed but stabbed! I’ve had my wing mirror remove and my car keyed.

I’m at a loss. No clue what to do. It’s embarrassing really she’s 46 years old and playing these games.

OP posts:

RantyAnty · 30/10/2019 01:38

@JingsMahBucket
Nobody has been stalking her.
If you read prior threads, she's pretty obsessed about the ex.

He and the xDW had been married for years and have DC together. OP seems quite upset that DP and xDW have a civil relationship between them.

It's a DP problem, if you can call him a DP. She seems far more invested from the get go with him than he is with her.

He seems to be a bit lazy and enjoys stirring the pot between them.

spookysamhainwitch · 30/10/2019 01:48

The time line of this isn't adding up for me. Why would she wait so long to stir up drama? If she's involved with a bad crowd why are the kids still with her and why isn't DP taking them more? Surely the kids safety is a bigger worry. Why do you think she would key your car? Has she been aggressive in the past? It all sounds very scary OP if she is as lose a canon as you say she is. But I'd be really worried about the kids in this situation, how do we know they're safe?

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 02:08

OP you all track each other

If your dp didn't have tracking software none of this would have happened

Stop all tracking each other its leads to paranoia and is frankly weird.

Its on her sons phone. Which is very different from the way you made it sound.

The dc live with her then, and your dp gets them every weekend. So she only has then during the school and he takes them at the weekend, every weekend? If so thats awful.

You seem to know what shes soing all the time when shes at home

Are you watching through the windows when she doesn't bath them? How do you know what nights she goes out? How do you know who cooks dinner? You seem very overly invested in her activities. This is for your dp to deal with and nothing to do with you.

It doesn't make sense that she would suddenly start damaging your vehicle if shes known all this time where you live and that you were together.

How on earth do you know so much of her intimate life? Do you grill the dc or something?

How old are they?

ColaFreezePop · 30/10/2019 07:53

Since you have reported the car incidents to the police, this is what you do:

Your partner removes his location from his children's phones,
You all check your privacy settings on social media and ensure she is blocked,
You do not post about holidays, days out, meals out etc on social media until at least week after you have come back if you have to post about them at all,
You continue to live your life and carry on ignoring the ex so no drama is created.

Shitonthebloodything · 30/10/2019 08:10

I have a tracker app on my son's phone but only use it if I really can't get hold of him and it's getting late or something I see it as A bit of a privacy invasion in other circs. My do and I wouldn't dream of using them between us. We just call or text if we need to know where the other one is.
Just delete the access for anything other than the kids safety, report vandalism to the police and be done with it all.

Livelovebehappy · 30/10/2019 08:25

You’re all playing games, and over investing your thoughts and time on each other. The tracker app has now been removed, so the issue resolved. You and your DCs are in no danger. But you already know that. Now focus your energy on getting your DP to get more access to see his DCs if he is that concerned about the behaviour of his ‘crazy’ ex. Good luck with that one though.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 11:41

It.really is an invasion of privacy and stalking.

Although many normalise this behaviour. Everyone is tracking everyone as part and parcel of normal and its not.

Many apps track where 'friends' are. This isn't what you do to friends, and friends have no right to know where others are, its none of their fucking business!

Some 'friends' are complete randoms and strangers. Its all very bizarre

heartsonacake · 30/10/2019 12:44

AnyMinuteNow If people don’t want to be tracked, they have that option.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 12:48

Its taken for granted now, its assumed, and also, its very difficult impossible to not be tracked in one form or another now, and you see how you don't know who's seeing which was key to this thread!

heartsonacake · 30/10/2019 12:53

AnyMinuteNow You only don’t know who is tracking you if you are lax with your privacy settings, as OP’s family were. The onus is on you to protect yourself and be proactive, not just sit back and hope everything’s fine.

Your settings are your own responsibility, and you can’t be mad at the events that happen if you don’t keep on top of them.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 12:56

Not true frankly. There are just too many apps and too muchnoverwhelming permissions and access rights now to pin it down.

It naïve to believe you cannot be tracked, just by changing your settings.

Shame its come to this as it so normalised by so many that think it's ok to keep a track of others private lives, and also those being tracked are so used to it that they think its fine.

Its very poor grooming, erosion of boundaries.

The younger the more so I think.

heartsonacake · 30/10/2019 12:59

I stand by what I said. If you are lax with your privacy settings, this will happen.

When you download an app the first thing you should do is going into your settings and make sure you’re happy with them.

These issues arise because people can’t be bothered to do that, and so when things happen, it is entirely their fault for not being proactive.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 13:02

Its about more than apps, and yes of course, its even easier if people are lax with settings.

However, there are now sooo many settings in soo many places and even then....

PositiveVibez · 30/10/2019 13:10

So for 5 days a week, his kids are with a mad, unhinged, lazy, slattern who is in with a bad crowd, who track your location and vandalise your property.

And your husband hasn't raised ANY safeguarding issues with ANYONE and is quite happy to keep send his children to this maniac????

He sounds great.

heartsonacake · 30/10/2019 13:17

However, there are now sooo many settings in soo many places and even then....

AnyMinuteNow There really aren’t. It takes two seconds to check your settings when you download an app or register for something new.

If someone is finding it all too overwhelming then they shouldn’t be using the technology in the first place. You are in charge of your own privacy, you can’t pass the blame on to the companies or the app designers because you can’t be bothered/don’t know how to check your settings.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 13:20

You're being rude now.

Frankly, I think it's pretty clear that users absolutely are not the ones in control of their privacy (although it can seem that way from the outside).

heartsonacake · 30/10/2019 13:30

You're being rude now.

AnyMinuteNow No, I’m not. You just don’t like what I’m saying.

Frankly, I think it's pretty clear that users absolutely are not the ones in control of their privacy (although it can seem that way from the outside).

Frankly, I think it’s pretty clear that users can’t be bothered to check their privacy settings most of the time, which is how they end up in situations like this.

Learn the technology you are using, and by that I mean go far beyond apps and into your internet controls, and there are ways to ensure you cannot be tracked at all (eg. incognito, proxies, VPNs etc.).

A lack of knowledge about how to control your own privacy is something you need to fix if you’re concerned about it, not try and blame the companies. But as we see, most people really don’t care and so they won’t bother to learn, which is absolutely fine as long as they then don’t go on to complain about their privacy being invaded.

Gingerkittykat · 30/10/2019 14:02

It's amazing how many exes are unhinged child neglecters.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 14:25

Who are you saying that to exactly.

Who are you telling that they can't be bothered to check their settings?

Have you decided in yiur omnipotence that I havent done this, and others that get found haven't? As you'd be wrong . That's why it is rude to make the assumption that those are just not bothering, basically cba to check settings.

Have you never noticed google resetting its settings or bringing out a new setting so all the defaults are changed back, how locations pop up in places you couldnt possibly exist, how easily it is to track numbers, outside of user control.

You also assume I simply don't like what you're saying, and thats wrong. I just can't agree with you, theres a huge difference and you're making it personal and insulting by speaking this way.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 14:26

*predict

Exist

heartsonacake · 30/10/2019 14:35

AnyMinuteNow Everything I’ve said is about the general population; I’m not targeting you or anyone in particular.

You are clearly insecure about this and trying to make my posts personal about you, but they’re not.

The simple fact is the majority of people do not check their settings as soon as sign up to a new site or download a new app, and the majority of people also don’t utilise the tools available like incognito, VPNs or proxies to maintain their privacy, either because they don’t want to, can’t be bothered or don’t know how.

If people care enough, they will learn how to use such technology and they will expand their knowledge to keep ahead of the game.

AnyMinuteNow · 30/10/2019 15:41

No thats fine. If you say they're not then they're not. Thats fine

Its not ok to assume others are not bothering, generally though. Granted some.dont, as proved by this thread, but a lot actually do.

You seem to live in a perfect world where everyone has time to read all the T&Cs, where everyone is an IT expert and if they cant do it all its because they cba

Consumers are not well protected by any stretch of the imagination, even yours!

Many vpns sell your personal data and are insecure in themselves, and often they're used by youth to avoid such restrictions as netflix apply.

It's an industry that leaves users very exposed.

Android for many many years had its own keylogger which recorded literally everything and took full advantage of that. No passwords secret, nothing. Bypassed all encryption taking at source.

It may still have. I am not going to stand here and say there aren't huge privacy issues for users.

ICO just got google, a pathetic £500k fine.

Pathethic. Oh naughty google, slap wrist, run along

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