How do I explain?...

[babymomma22]

Me and my partner have been together for a number of years now and this year we welcomed our beautiful baby boy. There's been a lot of things that's happened in our relationship (mistakes made on his behalf) but we've always had a very loving relationship and we've always worked through our issues together.
But all of a sudden he's become so distant, he's sharp and argumentative and never listens to any issue I bring up, he makes me feel as though everything that happens is my fault and he gets so angry over such small discussions I try and bring up.
Today it came to a head, the past few weeks all we've done is argue, there's a lot happening in his life at the moment and I support him with everything 110% I help him with any issue he has but he just makes me feel like it's all one sided, he doesn't show me love anymore. I've been basically begging for him weeks for us to go out and enjoy time together for a bit but he's always shut me down. I spoke to him today and basically said I feel neglected at the minute and like I've been put on the back burner. Anytime his friends ask him to be there for them he's straight there and I get pushed to one side constantly. I've told him I love him but if this behaviour continues for the sake of salvaging any friendship we could have for the sake of our 9 month old I would have to leave and he got very defensive and started saying his friends are going through rough times and they need him. I have post natal depression and I'm very open about when I'm not feeling my best however he has never dropped everything to make sure I'm ok like he does with them.
He's almost 30 and I'm just wondering if this laddy behaviour is ever going to end or if I'm going to be stuck in limbo for the rest of my life. One minute he's talking about marriage the next he's running off to his pals ignoring my existence. I've always told him I have no problem with him seeing his friends, sometimes I enjoy the time alone but when it's affecting our relationship it isn't a good thing anymore.
We've finally stopped arguing and I think he's got the message but I'm just not sure how else to support him or what I should really do at all. I wasn't long out of an emotionally abusive relationship which resulted in me having serious mental health issues, before he came into my life and he was promising me the world but sometimes some of the things he does gives me flashbacks to that time in my life. I just don't know what to do anymore...

HI...I am sorry you are going through this.I can only advise you on bits of your problem but it might help.When I had my daughter I imagined it to be like you see on tv...happy smily family basking in love and togetherness and frankly it wasnt! I was so wrapped up in my baby learning how to be a mum that I simply forgot about my other half.I was a mess,the house was a mess,time together was spent with me asleep trying to catch up on some rest or trying to sort the house or anything but focusing on my dh.He never once said anything until a few years after.I totally pushed him out.I think we went weeks without talking properly, weeks without laughing,and as for anything else well it never happened! Now I never meant for this to happen never even knew I was doing it at the time but baby came first and then I was too knackered to function let alone be a wife.All the support was chucked at me and not him as he was only dad....only dad ...how sad is that statement.If you are anything like I was then I can see a bit why your partner is miffed! Tell him you love him tell him you need support and his help.He too is a parent now and he should be willing to be there for you both. Maybe you both need a bit of time together just to talk.Not to fight to maybe have some fun.Could you arrange for a relative to look after your little on and go to the cinema,bowling out for a meal? It might just be a good starting point to trying to get back to you and him.Non of this is your fault please dont think I am saying that its just how it i with a baby.But it might be he needs you too and if your not there like I wasnt then he is going to find himself more drawn to his friends if he thinks his little family doesnt need or want him....men are stupid like that but some do think like it ,,,,Failing all that and he is just acting out cos he is a prat then you have to tell him how it is and what you need him to do ...I hope you can mend it together and remember how you both used to be and get back there again....talk to each other.Write him a letter send him a text but talk somehow.I wish you well and hope this is a temporary blip and you all can be a happy family .....