Hi all, I would really appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this. I’m not one to post but I’ve always read others stories on this. So I’ve been married 5 years. First few years we’re good but since the birth of children it has been downhill. When our first child was born I was very involved from the birth, with even the midwives saying I was a “keeper”, I did the night feeds, nappy changes while also working fulltime and thought nothing else of it. Things changed when our second child was born. Again I was very hands on I did more than enough while full time work, we also brought a house so I was renovating that when I could. I would put the kids to bed and then work til late for about 6 months
We both have drifted apart over the 5 years and the love was not lost but we never showed each other, which I expect happens with most couples. I still carry on and I do the school runs, she has dinner made for her every day, I clean the house, I shower the kids, I work fulltime and I also manage a rental property. Don’t get me wrong she does her fair share but I’ve always felt she has never seen the amount I do.
Anyway recently I found out she was seeing somebody else. I can understand why it happened and all the lies but it’s the sheer disregard for me that hurts. She was messaging him in front of my face and calling him on our family holiday. She said it was a mistake and it was because of my neglect that she went with some else. She also said she felt lonely in the marriage, which I can understand. There always two sides to each view and stories and I have tried my best to think of her.
However my neglect was because she could never see the amount I was doing and I feel she has always walked all over me and her actions reflect this. It’s a sorry state of affairs really. They both work together and she had the opportunity to leave her work and put this all behind us but she failed to even think of this despite knowing how it makes me feel. I don’t know if I will ever trust or believe her again and cannot go through my life thinking what she is doing at work.
I have also said to her that I now want to see other women, which she could not say anything to me about. (Most men would love to hear that lol) but for me it’s not right that I do anything until I know where we are going. I’ve said to her I will see if time heels things and maybe we can both work things out.
I’ve used this forum as I also cannot also talk to my friends as we have the same friend circle. I have done my best to not let word get out as this will make things much worse. It will also change their opinion of her and I think that’s unfair as this is a husband and wife issue. I can see the regret in her and I know she is sorry
So I’m thinking of leaving the family house as I know she cannot cope with losing her kids, husband and home. I can deal with it but I don’t think it should be me, however I cannot do that to her as it’s just not me. I also cannot let the kids be without their mother. Although the kids are closer to me and staying with me would be in their best interest. It’s just not something I can do, call me old fashioned or what. I’m trying to put my feelings to the side as I don’t want this to damage the kids future but its making me so miserable.