Boyfriend calls me needy.

[AmINeedy11]

We're both 25. We've been official for 4 months.
I wouldnt say im that needy - he works away so is away for a month and then home for a month - so of course it's still relatively early and we dont see each other regularly.
He tells me he misses me, loves me, we have regular phone calls which he instigates sometimes - he'll often text me throughout the day;
The other day when i hadnt text because i will ill, he sent me a text asking where i was.

But when i text him saying i miss him and cant wait to see him - he jokes that im needy

Has anyone else experienced this?

"But when i text him saying i miss him and cant wait to see him - he jokes that im needy "
You state he jokes that you are needy. Can you tell whether he is joking or serious from his texts? If there is a possibility that he is serious then I would dump him while it is early days because he is playing games with you. Or is he joking and you are taking it to heart? I think only you will be able to work that out.

No way to tell if he's joking or not from your post. If he's not joking, he's a complete ar*e. If he is joking he has a dubious sense of humour.

Don't text him for a while and when he asks where you are again, reply "blimey you're the needy one lol"

Sounds like he’s playing.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

He sounds like a Dick.

Ask him if he really believes that and tell him if he's joking you don't find it funny so to please stop it.

And watch out for further red flags.

Sounds like he's negging you.

or text him back when he's doing the same and say "who's needy now?"

See if it continues as banter or if his reaction is off.

He tells me he misses me, loves me
Tell HIM to stop being so needy.
See how he reacts to that!

Blowing hot and cold.
Who needs that shit?

You're a young, 25 year old with no commitments. Run and find the many, many better options open to you out there. Now! Run!

@BumbleBeee69
he sounds like a dick

Erm, what? are you usually this uptight? Aren’t people allowed to have jokes anymore?

My DP works abroad. We miss each other like mad. I’ll sometimes joke that he’s clingy and he’ll joke that I’m demanding but there’s no truth in them. I hope for your partners sake yours never jokes around

OP - if you’re concerned about it then ask him but it sounds like he’s joking. His actions says he’s joking. If at 4 months somebody pulled me up on this it would probably put me off a little though, I like a relationship where I can joke and mess around and I would probably feel like I would then have to watch what I say

Well he says he's joking but is there always some truth in jokes?
I'm just worried now that im genuinly beimg needy,
Like he's been away for work for 3 weeks now and he's been quite slow at replying this week and we've had hardly any phone calls for these 3 weeks whereas usually we're quite regular so all the needy jokes have made me question how much i should be messaging

I'm just worried now that im genuinly beimg needy

Ok, stop and think about that.

The other day when i hadnt text because i will ill, he sent me a text asking where i was. He also texts YOU saying he misses you etc. So he clearly thinks that's all normal stuff, affectionate etc. and he does it himself.

But when i text him saying i miss him and cant wait to see him - he jokes that im needy He doesn't think it's needy at all - see above. So he's either genuinely joking and you've not yet set him slightly straight with either a joke in return or a raised eyebrow which says you don't find that so funny... or, he's negging you.

If the latter, he's not a nice guy and this is the first red flag. The reason? Well, exactly what you say above. He's got you on the back foot, questioning yourself. Nasty guys like doing this. They like you slightly uncertain, they like blowing hot and cold so you don't know where you stand and they keep the top dog spot in the relationship by being ever so slightly Mean Girls with you.

If you've objected to this joke before and he's still doing it - he's one of these.

If you haven't objected - do so. Not by being all offended, as that's the perfect ammunition for him to give you the wide-eyed wow, you're sensitive aren't you! treatment. No, you turn it back on him. So next time he chases you for a text - ''I'm fine, feeling a bit NEEDY are we?' (laughing emoji). He'll either laugh back because it's his (slightly clumsy) joke, or he won't like it. If he doesn't like it. you have your answer.

However, I think you have your answer anyway. Four months in, this kind of slightly mean teasing on the topic of feelings is really very rarely a good sign.

I think he's a twat so I'd be on high alert if I were you.

My DP works abroad. We miss each other like mad. I’ll sometimes joke that he’s clingy and he’ll joke that I’m demanding but there’s no truth in them. I hope for your partners sake yours never jokes around

I work overseas for extended periods, as does my DH, and yes the OP's partner sounds like a DICK.

Uhh do you really need all of this at 25? Plenty of other people out there who will want to be affectionate and kind to you, and will appreciate when you do it back. Find someone else!

If you think he's joking, respond with "oh I'm just bored because my other boyfriend is away this week too."

If its a joke does it matter, you are over thinking this

Having needs is not being needy.

If he does not want to meet your needs then that is not a problem with you (or him). You might be too needy for him, which is not the same as you having totally unreasonable needs that you need to fix to keep your man.

Remember, people date to find out if they are compatible or not. That takes time and life pressures to determine.

Instead of trying to work out if you are behaving in the "right" way, spend the mental energy working out whether you two have compatible requirements in a relationship. If you don't that is not a sign that either of you is a wrong baddie just that you aren't as compatible as you first hoped.

Even if you're not being needy there's a problem here.

You're already doubting your behaviour and probably questioning whether you should send that text or make that call in case it looks like you are.

A honest conversation is needed between you to find out if he's joking or not, if he insists that he is then tell him how the jokes make you feel. If he doesn't stop with the comments or you still find yourself limiting contact or being nervous to text then I think you should end it.

This man is making you question your mind and your behaviour - that is a really, really bad sign.

And now he's withdrawing slightly with fewer calls - that is designed to keep you on your toes.

Avoid, avoid.

And then said he misses me

You should have replied, "You really are needy, aren't you?"

So are these the kind of jokes that are genuinely jokes, or the kind where someone makes unpleasant comments or digs and then cries "only joking!" when challenged?

Oh god. Four months in, he's been out of the country for two of those. Yet here you are dissecting messages, guessing deep motivations, modifying behaviour.

So much angst.

Do not talk about difficult feelings over text. Those are look each other in the eyes conversations.

He's away for only a month! Why the big panic? Casual chit chat while he's away. No more moaning at each other about what each has done and not done. Note misfiring jokes/texts but don't do anything yet.

Over the course of the month decide if you like being in this kind of LDR. If the answer is maybe then wait until you've completed another month apart and see if it is any clearer. Stop the attempts at predicting and manipulating.