Dating -when to get up

[Highandlow]

I turn 30 soon and I really feel the pressure ( I am putting on myself)to settle down . I feel so lonely , but have never really had a man I can rely on. The thing is I have had so many bad experiences. My question is , should I even both . Or if you take a break how long is enough ? The only guy I liked critiqued everything about me ( e.g didn’t like my hair hair, clothes, career, how I had sex, previous choice in men ). It’s ripped my confidence to shreds. I’ve been off the dating sites a few months and feel better for it , but still lonely
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I have also found that being the only single in a group can be challenging. I have a few wonderful close friends , but if I venture into new territory things can go wrong for me . For example , at the weekend I got called a whore by a friend of a friends gf as I was the only single girl and the single men in her group made a beeline for me . I feel absolutely mortified at this. I feel like I don’t much fit in. I just want a stable relationship but feel like it’s out of reach for me.Any words of wisdom?

*sorry the title should say give up

My only successful relationship (now marriage) occurred when I decided I was fed up with men and was determined not to have a boyfriend! I think because I wasn't so eager for company it stopped me going after the wrong guy and also fizzled out the guys that don't want to put any effort in to get a date. My husband asked for a year before I finally gave in. So my advice would be chill out. Don't go looking. Find a hobby you really love and see what happens!

Also please don't let other people's views change how you behave. That person that called you a whore was clearly jealous of the attention you were getting!

Woah that person calling you a whore was out of order! I know what you mean OP, I've been single on and off all my adult life (a lot more time single/dating than in a relationship). I have two kids and work ft single mum now.

I agree with PP that making too much effort can be tiring and lead to disappointment. Maybe just have one dating app, like Bumble, so you can control the number of matches and maybe try for a couple of new dates a month. I think some people strike lucky, some people are very accommodating of compromise and some just great at relationships. I seem to be none of these but I remain hopeful.

If you plan to have kids maybe think about good dad options too, as if it doesnt work out you're better off a single mum with a participating ex rather than a 'bad boy' who shuns his responsibilities.

Good luck and hope it works out!

' I got called a whore by a friend of a friends gf as I was the only single girl and the single men in her group made a beeline for me .'

OMG she must get really aggro when drunk or something. What a thing to say!

IDK if I would bother with the websites, would just try to go along to groups for people with similar interests or whatever, meetups.com and stuff, but what do I know, I'm just in the same boat but older and less bothered by being single. Maybe a good attitude to have is to be happy on your own, but if someone turns up it's a bonus.

I can understand feeling pressure at your age, especially if friends are settling down, but if you feel a pressure you mightn't make the best decisions. So, don't feel like you're missing out- a lot of the relationships you see around you are going to end in splitting up or divorce, anyway, so they haven't really got something you haven't.

Hugs and best wishes. xxx

I think the key is to fill your life with things you love doing. You meet different people that way and also you don’t end up so hung up on meeting the one.
There’s nothing more attractive than someone with a great busy life. Don’t revolve your life around finding a guy.

"For example , at the weekend I got called a whore by a friend of a friends gf as I was the only single girl and the single men in her group made a beeline for me"

Well, don't ever mix with those people again.

I've had this too. I've never dated online but realised I was happy being single, but the judgement of others bothered me. So I learned to ignore them.