Rekindle?

[billybigball]

Right so I need some opinions as I'm so confused!

Basically me and my exh split up 2 years ago....was completely my choice as the sex just wasn't there for me, I didn't want to hug, kiss him let alone have sex with him and then found myself attracted to another guy so ended our marriage as I couldn't see it getting any better and didn't want to hurt him. Exh hated me for a good year and a half for breaking up our family as he was so deeply in love with me he was willing to have a sexless marriage. I couldn't.

The guy I found myself attracted to I started up a relationship with but to say it's been a rocky rollercoaster is an understatement.....cheating, lieing, emotional abuse (didn't even know what this was because my exh was so kind) the only thing good about our relationship is the sex....and I guess that's because that was what was missing for me! But Jesus is the sex good!

Anyway fast forward to now....2 years on and me and my exh seem to be getting on really well, he popped round for our sons bday and I forgot how well we got on, how easy things are and just how I don't have to be on eggshells around him! So now I'm confused I would love nothing more than to get my family back together but the sex issue still worries me? He has said that he would give it another try but I really really don't want to try and then it not work and then I have to hurt him all over again? It killed me the first time I don't want to put him through that again!

Can it ever come back? The sex? Like I feel I got the "ick" with him....2 years on do you reckon that could have gone?

There’s loads to think about first. Do you think he would come back still? What happens when someone else more exciting comes along again who you want to have amazing sex with? Would you leave again? What about your son? You don’t say how old he is but would everyone be wondering if you will just up and leave again?
Has your husband moved on? What if he’s met someone he has a chance of being really happy with, someone who does want sex with him and appreciates him? Would you want to take that away from him?

It seems that whilst he was upset with you for leaving, you didn’t want him but now he’s no longer angry with you and has got over it, you want to pull his strings back again?

There’s so much to consider first, but what you’re considering sounds quite selfish, it’s all about your gain, because he’s easy to be around and that you’ve found the grass isn’t greener.

That's everything I am thinking about and the whole reason I haven't said okay let's give it another try!

He said to me last night that if I wanted to give it another go he would and it's all he can think about at the moment!

I know everything your saying and trust me I have thought about it all.
I'm just worried the sex won't come back and that's why I haven't said I would like too try again!
Also I am thinking of my 2 boys they would be over the moon....but if I gave it another try that would be it I would never walk away again as I couldn't do it to anyone!

But tbh I didn't need all that I was just wondering if anyone has had any experience with the sex life coming back?

I don’t think the sex comes back, I know couples that have rekindled, it exciting to start as both partners make an effort but it disappears quite quickly again and one often looses interest again. Some stay because it’s easier than the dating game, neither totally satisfied but just bumbling along accepting this is what life is.
I got back with an ex once, (not married and no children, the sex had stopped, everything he did ending up annoying me), when we got back together because he was such a nice person, he was “comfortable”, it lasted 3 months before all those things happened again. The weird laugh was no longer cute but annoying and his lack of confidence that made me stop fancying him again. Then he would cry when we argued and I just couldnt fancy him no matter how hard I tried.
Did you ever have a good sex life? Can you imaging enjoying sex with him again? The things he used to do? Will you ask him to try new things to make it better for you? Would that be ok or upsetting for him?

Okay I think I have my answer!

You asking if I could have sex with him again....I don't think I could. I think the "ick" is still there!

It's so annoying as we were so perfect in every way but that and he's the nicest guy....ever since him all I have met is arseholes and I guess that's what makes me miss him more!
But it's not good if I can't bring the sex back!

It’s great that he’s nice and you can get on fit the kids. I felt like going back to my exh about 9 months after I left him because I had been seeing someone and that ended (he went back to his wife but it went horribly wrong for them from an amicable break up to a nasty divorce, she only wanted him back because he started to move on and she hadn’t, we have mutual friends and I still see him around) and had been on a number of horrible dates, my exh however isn’t a nice man but as I was upset at the time I just thought he was better than what I was doing.
The dating world can be hard, especially with kids involved, emotions all over the place and there are loads of bad ones, but it’s exciting meeting new people, hearing their stories, every date thinking this could be it, then the excitement of meeting the one, the messaging and falling in love. That spark, it will come and you will be happier than ever. There’s a reason you stopped wanting sex with him and unless that goes I’m not sure you can go back as you clearly appreciate a good sex life

I'm in a similar position. My ex and I got on amazingly well but, because he's got a porn addiction, the sex was nowhere near to what I'd expect, which is annoying as I know he's capable of much more.

We've recently started to get on well again after splitting up 10 months ago. I'd love nothing more than to have our family back as a unit, but I don't know if I can make that sacrifice. I mean, relationships aren't just based on sex, but it does help!