I’ve looked through threads on relationships and generally people who end marriages where there are children involved are called all sorts of names and selfish etc.
And I guess it’s true. It is selfish - if there’s no abuse obviously.
I’m 35, been married for 15 years. Two primary aged children. Husband is 10 years older than me. It’s ok. My marriage is ok. We never have sex, since dd was born five years ago we’ve had sex three times. Prior to that between ds and dd maybe a handful of times.
When I met dh aged 18 he gave me an sti and even though it was picked up immediately for some reason it left me with pain when having sex and we never really had a reasonable sex life. It didn’t bother me much for years but it’s starting to bother me now. When it does happen it’s not great. Dh wont have oral sex and it’s all over in a few minutes.
We don’t do anything together. We rarely spend any time together as a family. Dh is at work or out. We don’t converse. We sit on our phones / in front of the tv which is inevitably something dh has chosen and I have no interest in. I feel like an entirely different person to the one I was when I got married.
Yet - he tells me I’m the most important thing to him and he wouldn’t cope without me. I don’t feel like that. I feel very little. But we don’t row, we get along ok, it just is. Is that how relationships end up after all this time? Is it just to be expected?
I feel like I want more than this - when the children are gone, what will be left? But it’s also so selfish, because the children are happy. They are ok. They will not be ok if I split the marriage up and nor will dh. I don’t love him as I should but I care about him.
I spend all my life waiting, just waiting, and feeling like I don’t know what to do. Ive tried to talk to dh but he just says he’s happy.
Is it unreasonable to end a relationship just because you want to, even if there are young children? I just don’t know anymore. I feel like it’s their happiness or mine.