End of marriage

[silky4960]

Im 60 wife 58 been married 33 years 2 children Daughter left home aged 27 Son still at home aged 24, I feel our relatinship has taken different paths she has her own bussiness and works evenings mon to thurs gets home around 10pm she also works saturday 9am to 6pm and some sundays either going to meetings, seminars, this leaves me with alot of free time which used to be fine untill I hit the big 60 my focus has changed to one of we should be going out enjoying our time together but she is so tied up in her career that is not going to happen, she works to school term times and even at half terms she is still doing work for the business, we have not had sex for over 3 years rarely cuddle or kiss, even on holidays when you have time to focus on each other, I have been told to get of so many times I have given up, I help around the house washing, ironing, hoovering, cooking. she also rarly asks how may day has been even after I have asked how her's was, recently been to relate but that has not helped much still waiting for the next appointment which could be in 6 to 8 weeks, I have suggested a trial split but that did not go down well, also I moved out of our bed 27th Oct not that should make much difference as nothing ever happened between us. Yesterday she said she wanted to make a go of it, when I asked last night which bed I should use she said you decide so I went to the spare one, this morning I did the usual and brought her a cup of tea, I tried to speak to her but she couldnt even make eye contact and did not speak, I'm at my wits end, thoughts going through my head are am I being manipulated now that I am sort of rebelling and not conforming to what she wants all the time or am I overthinking? she blames the menopause for the lack of sex, I have been understanding but not to get even a basic HJ let alone anything else does not seem fair to me I also confessed to cross dressing months ago to have some sexual fun and release far better than having an affair I would have thought, she is struggling with that as well. sorry its a bit rambling

You clearly have had a lot of issues for quite some time, but now that you've thrown your cross dressing into the mix, I don't hold out any hope of repairing all the damage. You say she's "struggling" with your new "activity", most women would. I certainly would. Any hope for rekindling a sex life would be over for me, personally.

If I were you, I would work hard at dissolving the marriage as amicably as possibly. Move on and enjoy the rest of your life.

Speaking as someone who is fine with cross dressing I am definitely in the minority. If it's not a kink she can be ok with, (and she doesn't have to be) then, along with your dry spell, you have probably put paid to any renewal of sex. Ultimately she doesn't have to do it, nor does she owe you it BUT if it's a deal breaker for you then you can leave.

Sorry posted too soon..

Sex has to be mutual. That means kinks shared or ok with and sex drive matched. No one is at fault if it's not, as both are entitled to what they like, but not entitled to make someone else do anything they don't want to. If it's not working don't go with the sunken costs fallacy and walk away.

Hi, this all sounds very sad. It sounds like you have tried to fix things for a long time.
Your cross-dressing revelation sounds like it didn’t go down well but it also sounds like that hasn’t made much difference.
I agree with other contributors that you should press on with an amicable split and enjoy the retirement you deserve.

Great that you help around "her" house, she's a lucky lady...

Just another typical entitled male thread imo. And disclosing a cross dressing fetish at 60? She must feel she's living with a stranger.

You lost me at can't even get a basic handjob, why do you think she owes you this?

I'm surprised she's not left, you sound like a prince.

She should be well past the menopause at 58, so I don't think that's the issue.

We are at a similar age to you, grown up kids, my DW owns a restaurant and so is very busy at weekends, I work the usual 9-5 weekdays so finding time for each other is an issue. I do a fair amount of cooking, washing and all the practical stuff in the house and garden but I quite enjoy this and so it doesn't bother me that I do more than her. But the crucial difference from your case is that we continue to have an active and fulfilling sex life, which more than makes up for our other differences.

Had you not mentioned the cross dressing I would have suggested that you make a real effort to reconnect sexually, maybe a romantic weekend away or something like that, but this will be a complicating factor. Have you ever tried this before? It seems an odd way of trying to meet your needs - most guys would use porn, or even have an affair. Cross dressing carries with it the suggestion that you may have transsexual interests and I can see that if you have never spoken about it in the past your DW might well be shocked and it will not encourage her to resume a sexual relationship.

But splitting up after such a long marriage will not be easy and may well come as a shock to your children if there has been no previous suggestion of any problems. I think you need to have serious talk with her and make it clear that the marriage is at risk and see how she reacts. At the same time try to develop some interests that you can pursue by yourself - join some local clubs etc - so that you do not dwell so much on your feelings of loneliness. And if you do split you will not be in a complete void socially.

Good luck.

You are more like room mates than marriage partners. Sometimes things don’t pan out like you thought they would. Perhaps this is one of those things. You can do the whole making cups of tea and being nice thing but if she’s not interested in you it won’t work. Who owns the house? Perhaps it’s time to talk about what she sees for the future. You have to think of what you want too. If those things are different...

Menopause symptoms can last for years plus all the other stressors you have written about. Be patient, you've been together a long time the counselling has only really just started.

That bit you wrote about last night/this morning made me sad. Because you are obviously both feeling rejected. You wanted her to ask you to come to bed with her, she didn't, she said go where you want and you went to the spare room so she thinks you didn't want to go to bed with her. So she feels rejected.
You feel rejected because she didnt ask you to come to bed with her.

You need to have a talk. Not about sex, about your marriage. What's good about it, what do you enjoy?

Maybe see if she wants to sleep in the same bed and just cuddle. Take sex off the table for a bit until you are both feeling closer to each other.

when I put cross dressing its just sexy panties, no wig and make up and false boobs

It’s half term isn’t it?

Only a man would write "helping out around the house". Is this not also your house? Is your wife helping out around the house?

For too long women have had to do it all. Maybe your wife's lack of interest in your relationships is because she has had enough? Perhaps she doesn't feel appreciated. She's made a career and now you've hit the big 60 you feel things should change so they should - what about what she feels?

You refer to the menopause - have you researched the effect this can have on women?

If you are willing to make a go of it - what does that look like and what are you prepared to do and have you discussed it. Simply moving into the same bed isn't making a go of it.

Eww why should she give you a hand job if she doesn't want to?.