I want him back.

[ShannonFrancis07]

Hello,
In desperate need of advice. My partner and I of five years have recently split against my wishes. These past 12 months have been extremely hard. We returned to the UK from Australia and have both hit rock bottom and struggled with our mental health. He has a sudden irrational fear of death and I have lost my self-confidence in all areas of life. On top of that, I have 2 family issues going on and we were unable to live together due to finding our feet again and struggling to find the right jobs.

He ended it via text 3 weeks ago after everything came crashing down and I shamefully slapped him in despair. We talked in through straight away, but the next day he ended it. Yesterday, we agreed to email and talk things through honestly. No texting, no phone calls and no seeing each other.

He is the one. He is amazing and I love him more than I ever thought possible. He says he loves me too, but it feels different to how he used to love me. I understand that we are so lost in our minds. We are fighting to keep ourselves together, and we have struggled to support each other properly.

I believe, that our circumstances were against us. Everyone hits rock bottom at some point, unfortunately for us, we do it at the same time and for completely different reasons.

Any advice would be great. I know I cannot change things that are out of my control. This may well be the end of us entirely, but I will regret not trying.

Thank you!

It sounds like he has probably made the right call for the moment.
Neither of you are in the right head space to support each other emotionally.

Get your lives together, seperately, and once youve got a job and things are looking up perhaps look to try again.
Right now, if you try again, what has changed that will make it better?

I think for the time being you are probably better apart.
He needs to see someone who can help with his MH issues and you should also seek help for your physical violence issues.

Thank you for your replies.

I have never experienced physical behaviour before. Slapping him was my breaking point. One I am not proud of, that is when I hit rock bottom.

I have already started my counselling journey to rebuild my self-esteem. He is currently on the waiting list for counselling. We took these steps before we split. And he also has his dream job as of last month.

Things are beginning to change in the right direction. As heartbreaking as it is that we are no longer together, a part of me does believe he made the right choice. We could not support one another. I have an immediate family member with terminal cancer. I wanted and needed him to support me, but with his fear of death how could I ask him to? I desperately needed him, but I never considered him. I have read some of the threads on this site and it says to not talk, but I think we need to. It seems like we have both been on autopilot this year and fighting our own battles in silence whilst watching our other half suffer, yet we couldn't support them. We have agreed that there is no time pressure in replying. If it takes us days or weeks to find the right words then that is fine.

He did the right thing. Physical violence isn't acceptable. Ever I appreciate you snapped and you both have shit going on, but if a man did that to a woman everyone would say "it's over" and she would be right to, and should, leave him and the marriage.

If, in due course, months or even years down the road, both of you are in a better place and you both want to try again, then go for it. But at the moment, you both need to focus on yourselves.

So sorry to hear you're going through such a bad time.:(

Glad you're both having or waiting for counselling. Are you both on medication if your doctor recommends it? I know some people don't like the idea, but it is evidence based and proven to help. If either of you've tried something and it han't worked, go back and try something else. There are loads they can try and if people keep going back, eventually they usually find something that helps. Similarly, if you've seen them but things have got worse (which they have with this incident) or haven't changed, go back and see them so they can try other treatments.

Hugs and best wishes xxxxx

Thank you all!

I completely agree. I was out of order. There is no excuse or reason for slapping him. No matter how much pain we are in for different reasons. I regret it so much and I am appalled to have let things get to me so much. I betrayed his trust. How could I do that to someone I love so much?

Thank you again.