To try and retrieve messages or not?

[Mumtoaperfectbabyboy]

Hi,

So to cut a long story short I found out my husband had been messaging a woman from work over the course of a few days, they're apparently friends but when I saw the messages I'd realised some had been deleted. He said he knew that he had crossed the line with a few things he said but had said stuff because she was feeling down and to cheer her up. Understandably my mind was racing and I kicked him out. We tried to retrieve the messages but couldn't. After a week of us being apart we realised that our marriage was something we wanted to save that he'd been depressed and hadn't handled things well. We've been seeing a couple's councillor and feel we're making progress.

However I saw a thread on here that said about retrieving the messages... He was reluctant but we tried and couldn't. Since then I've realised there are other ways we could try and retrieve them. The problem is now I'm not so sure I want too. I initially thought it was something I needed to know. But we're making real progress and I don't know whether it's going to benefit me knowing or not... I'm just wondering what other people would do in this situation?

Thanks.

Well he does know what they said, and he's choosing not to tell you. In a situation where full disclosure is imperative, and yet your counsellor seems to not give a shit about that?

OP, I can tell by your post you are going to continue on this marriage, and it is probably what you need to do in order to feel justified in dumping him when he does this again, or when the truth of his betrayal comes to light. And it will.

I'd dump his arse.

From what he's told you he can remember of them, they don't sound bad.

The fact he has deleted them suggests they were in a more dangerous territory. Surely if they're bad enough to be deleted from the phone they would be significant enough to be remembered.

I would want to know.

Everafter1 I agree that for op's dh to have deleted the text messages, he knew they were highly inappropriate and he could not risk her seeing them. He had little control over what the ow wrote but it seems he entertained her.

The cover up is just as bad as the act of infidelity as it is so carefully planned. Thought has to go into reading and deleting messages throughout the day. Deciding to go for a walk/a drive, in the bathroom to have space to read and delete messages.

I would need to see the messages or receive full disclosure from dh otherwise our marriage would have no future.