Friend has a crush on a taken guy

[RebeccaGlasscock]

My friend has been doing boxing at a gym for around 2 months.
She always commented on how the boxing instructor seemed awkward around her and a little cold towards her.
Fast forward 2 months she has a full-blown crush on him but he has a girlfriend.

However she's convinced he does like her. She says all the signs are there and things like he was insisting to be paired with her, he texted her about a class when he didn't have to, he uses her name more etc..
Every day she texts me with new 'evidence'.

I've said to her the thing is that yes, maybe he does have a crush but he is in a relationship so nothing can be done or happen.

She's saying that in time she might tell him she likes him and see what he does with that information.

She says i'll be really good for her ego to know that a guy she likes likes her back. I know she is fed up as she's saying how she's been single for 5 years, is now in mid 30s and really wants a family.

I said to her that she can speculate as much as she likes but as long as he is in a relationship nothing can be 'confirmed' in terms of whether he likes her or not.

She really needs to forget him but won't as she sees him daily at the gym and says she rarely gets to meet men.

She needs to find ways to feel validated and good about herself which are not based on whether some guy likes her or not.

I've already said all this but the daily 'evidence' texts are continuing. I don't mind at all talking about him but I really don't know what else I can say, and don't want to hurt her feelings.

What would others do ? Thanks

No wonder she's been single that long if she goes for men that are awkward, cold and attached.

Tell her to talk to a therapist.

Sadly the last 3 men shes gone for have been taken. However to her credit, she was not initially aware that the first two were.

I have never met this gym teacher and we don't even live in the same country so it's highly unlikely I will.

She says she doesn't want to break them up but keeps looking for signs that he isn't that into her.

I know her self esteem is low and that's why she is so determined to know if he likes her to feed her ego.

I hope she meets somebody else before she gets even more invested and disappointed.

I think of that man did like and wanted an affair he would have been a lot less subtle than a few texts about classes. She seems like she has issues and Looks for tiny things to validate herself

agree with Jane. If he's not asking her out / making a move, he's still happy enough with his GF. He might like an ego stroke seeing that she's so obviously attracted to him, but he's not acting on it properly.

You could advise her to pull back from him, stop going to gym for a week, and see what he does (I mean IF he's not happy with GF and would leave that r-ship) but it's unlikely. At least she'll know and won't be wasting any more of her time and emotion because if he's after the ego stroke he will quickly get bored if she doesn't encourage him.

Does your friendship mainly consist of you listening to her talk about men who aren't interested in her? I found myself in a friendship like that and when I tried to change the dynamic it got nasty.

I’d be blunt to be honest.

I’d say:

“Look Jill. He’s in a relationship, have a bit of respect. And btw, if he does leave his partner for a woman he’s just met, he’ll sure as he’ll do it to you too in the future. No good can come of this, so back off...and if you decide to keep this up, I don’t want to know about it.’

Yes, say something to her and also ask her how she would feel if someone did that to her.

I agree you're going g
to have to be blunt. She needs to back off.

I’d distant myself from her to be honest. I have little patience for annoying love struck puppies who talk about nothing else than the latest guy they are never going to get. They always imagine the smallest most irrelevant action means more than it does.

From the title I thought you meant Liam Neeson 😁

She sounds like a gem. Is that the best she can do? Someone else's man?
I'd be ditching her. She sounds like an untrustworthy, awful person.

@Lessthanzero 😂