Still not over somebody I only dated for 6 weeks

[RebeccaGlasscock]

Well I knew him for 2 months in total. We weren't official and he met and started started seeing someone else at the same time without my knowledge. I know it wasn't cheating as we were not official, but I think it's common courtesy to let the person know that they are not the only one.

Anyway he decided immediately he wanted to be official with her, and didn't deny the fact that he liked her more than me.

I binned him off immediately and we havent spoken now for 6 weeks.
Ive blocked him on Facebook because I didn't want to see their lovey dovey pictures and statuses.

I know shit happens, that's life. Things seemed great between me and him but i'm not even going to go into the realm of how people move on so quickly.
It knocked my confidence but I got my hair done and my teeth whitened and that's helped.

Anyway it was short between us. I barely mention him at all anymore to my friends, as I say we haven't spoken in a long time but I am still not over him.
I feel ridiculous as it's been 6 weeks and it wasnt even 2 months :/ don't know what's wrong with me !
I have a very busy life, i've rejoined OLD but I just dont feel like it.
I admit I got very invested in this guy but it seemed mutual, I honestly thought he was the one. However I know that there are a lot of fakes out there.

How come I still havent moved on ? Any other advice ?

I honestly thought he was the one.

And that, in a nutshell, is your problem. Six weeks and you thought he was the one? That puts far too much weight on a brief episode. You haven't got over him because you've created this idea that you lost a great love, but that's not what happened at all.

Please be warned that being over eager to rush relationships along can be seriously off-putting. You're in love with the idea of falling in love and that tends to make anyone come across as a bit desperate. I used to work with a woman who did this.

Thanks for the reply. Youre right.. We had not had any sort of talk about a relationship, I did want one but I was giving it a little more time.

It does sound dramatic but I had this connection with him that I hadnt had in years. He seemed to really like me.

However I need to remember that I really didn't know him at all. If hes met someone else even though he was continuing to be lovey dovey with me then it shows that he didn't take me very seriously and clearly didnt think a whole lot of me.

Oh this is so hard!!...I totally get how you’re feeling! I had a very brief relationship with someone years ago and i can honestly say I have only recently completely gotten over him (despite getting married since) I’d had longer relationships which were easier to move on from but I came to realise it’s the promise of it all that makes it so much more heartbreaking. You build it up to be the one big love, think to the future and then suddenly it’s over. Whereas with a long term relationship, you can slowly fall out of love and you leave knowing it wasn’t right for you.
You have every right to feel upset but please don’t waste any more time on this person. He’s moved on and you have to allow yourself to do the same.

I met someone once and I thought he was the one in about six minutes We went out twice but it took me a long time to get over him.

I think part of the problem was that he ticked all the boxes. It wouldn't have worked out between us but the idea of him was lovely. He's still my one that got away.

So you're not the only one!

Cold Little Heart sorry to hear that and happy to hear youre finally over him. I understand what you say, I think it's because everything seemed great, it's not like we broke up or anything happened, he just met someone whilst still seeing me and decided he liked her more, even though I thought he liked me a lot.

I think you do think about what could have been which makes it hurtful.

I'm glad I was immediately able to go NC (apart from 1 daft text at a week moment I have been NC for 6 weeks).

I'll just have to realise that he wasn't for me. Part of me still wishes he would come back, but it's highly unlikely and why should I want someone like him.

@MermaidSprinkles yes I feel you :(

Sorry to hear that. Sometimes you just meet that one person and they tick all the boxes, this happened with him.

Oh OP. I really sympathise.
Last year i had a 6 week "relationship" with someone I decided was perfect for me. Great job, great house, loads in common, similar interests, and he seemed really in to me. Took me for drives in the country pointing out houses we should get in the future for our fantasy lives together.
Then, 1 night when we were supposed to be meeting up, he text to cancel and to say he no longer wanted to see each other. No real reason.
Pop. My bubble burst. I cried non-stop for a week. I hadnt cried like that when I dumped my fiance for attacking me drunk and we had to unwind our living situation and cancel the wedding plans.

I reflect back now, over a year on and with someone new and wonderful, that I loved the IDEA of our 'relationship' not the reality.
In reality he wasnt right for me at all. Far too immature. Emotionally stunted. Etc. But it took me 2 - 3 months for that really to sink in.
Its only when i started seeing my DP that it sunk in properly and now i see it wasnt right.

The short lived ones leave you feeling like theyve 'got away'. Youll get there, just time and opening up to others.
Take OLD in small doses... my DP was one of many unread messages in my inbox that i had been ignoring... then i just decided to reply thinking "he looks nice" he is. And much more suitable.

Youll be alreet

Make sure youre NO Contact

OP one of the big differences between us ladies and the men is that we can get over invested quickly especially if we sleep with them early on. Women get more emotionally involved than men through sex I think it’s so hard as we can confuse it for more than it is. Obviously there are exceptions to every rule but maybe see it as a lesson and what you could do differently another tune maybe ....

It's definitely the short lived ones who tick your boxes who are a pig to get over. I have 2 from last year who I can't quite forget and keep wondering why I wasnt enough!

But even if you hadnt decided to be exclusive, it sounds like this one could have handled things with a lot more tact and maturity which shows he wasn't all that great.

I found the only thing to do is keep pushing on with dating but be selective as endless half arsed dates only made my 'ones that got away' shine brighter. Also, if you find yourself daydreaming about what might have been, pull yourself up short and think about or do something else completely. It will end up happening less and less, I promise. Be kind to yourself

You’re mourning the future you thought you’d have with him. I think it’s natural. Sometimes you feel connected quickly, and if it fails suddenly it’s very disappointing.

Did you feel very intense about him quite early on, OP?

It may be that you experienced limerence? That might help you to put it into perspective. I went through it myself.

Key thing is to go cold turkey, moving at and delete everything.

Hi. I was here in 2010. I split from a lad I'd been with two years. Found out he was a cheat. I knew anyway but decided to end it when other people were telling me what he was up to. A lovely guy who knew him but not me contacted me on MSN and said I'm really sorry but people were at a BBQ at my house talking about him cheating on you. This guy then became my friend and looked out for me for the next month. We eventually met up late at night for the first time. We took his dog for a walk. I went back to his house. We talked. We kissed and we cuddled. We fell asleep. I went home the next morning. I saw him 3 more times after that. We had sex. We chatted. It was always late at night. We texted. We talked on the phone. Then I guess I got top intense. I thought he must of liked me as he had been there for me and slept with me. But I started realising he was being strange and taking ages sometimes to reply. I took the hint and had ago at him. He told me the reason he had been quiet was my ex's sister had had ago at him. He didn't want any drama and had panicked and pulled back. I was broken. Not only had my ex cheated on me but now his sister was ruining my chance of being happy again.

Anyway the new lad a week after all this slept with another girl who had just split from her boyfriend. I got very hurt in the middle of all this. I wasn't eating or sleeping. I was so sad. I thought about our late night chats. It broke my heart how he had been so sweet and then changed into a dick like my ex basically.

Six months down the line he had a younger prettier girlfriend. I was still FB stalking him at that point. I still hadn't recovered from the month we spent talking and kissing etc. I was so sad to hear he got engaged to her and they were pregnant just months into their relationship. He married this girl and had another child. I had moved on myself by this point... Anyhow they got divorced two years ago. He's now single and had his kids at weekends. He has also gone bald. So I use my humour to tell myself he's not got looking anymore anyway haha.

I dunno sometimes things hurt us and it's hard to know why. But they do. It will get better one day my lovely. I hope my story helps you feel less alone. It's never nice to feel you wasn't good enough. Or someone else was better than you. But really that just means that your special someone is still waiting xxx

Dear Op, I can relate to your situation. Its been 14 months and I'm still not over him. He did similar to what happened to you and started talking to other girls even though he specifically said he doesn't do that. I walked away but am still holding on by a thread. Doesn't help that he lives local and I have to see him with his new dates. Things will get better for you but he may hold a place in your heart forever. Getting rid of messages etc will help you somewhat. Hope things get better for you x

Thank you for the kind messages. It's nice to feel that people understand and don't think i'm ridiculous.
It just hurts because he was so lovely but he liked her more. But she cheated on her ex-boyfriend with this guy and immediately dumped him for this guy, so she isn't morally better.
It will take time. Just can't face dating anyone else for a while, but time will heal all.

Sorry for what you are going through OP, happened to me and still can’t find a way through sometimes

You're not being ridiculous OP. I know how you must feel. A few years ago I met someone and we dated for about 5 weeks. I completely fell for him and from what he was saying he wanted a relationship. He dumped me out of the blue and I was really hurt. It took me about a year to get over him.

You're not being ridiculous at all, OP! We've all been there.

Tbh even though it was only short, 6 weeks isn't long to move on if you developed feelings for someone but I think what's making it hurt more is his lack of diplomacy. It was shitty of him to let you know his feelings for the other lady, you didn't need to hear all of that, especially as he hadn't openly said he was dating other people until the split (btw, to protect your feelings in future, I learned the hard way to always assume a man is dating others until you have agreed exclusivity, and to be open to the same). By that point it would've been far kinder to let you down gently and not tell you all of this.

In time you will see this was not particularly pleasant behaviour and realise you can do better!

Hi Op. The short term flings I have had have been more gut wrenching to get over than any proper relationship. It’s the what if . Also if they don’t want you but are still single , what’s wrong etc . You will get over this . Nc and take care of yourself.

6 weeks isn't long. I'm still not over my ex from 27 years ago...