Feeling trapped

[WFRS]

I've been with my husband for 20 years and have two children 7 and 11. I am super unhappy I cringe when he initiates sex and when we do have sex I feel like crying. I feel like my whole life is one big pretend and I'm just on a ferris wheel going round and round. I am also gay but have been in denial my whole life (my family would not approve). I had a year long affair with my best female friend - which she recently ended as she wants to try and make her marriage work for her children. She says I'm her soul mate and will always love me but can't see a way out. I don't actually believe she loves me otherwise why would she let me go? We recently went out on a works do together had too much to drink and kissed after a month of no contact! I feeling like I'm back to square one and hurting all over again. I know I'm not being fair to my husband but I cant help the way I feel - I know I'm not in love with him - but can't see a way out. Feel super depressed and don't want to wake up in the morning - trying to stay strong for my children. Has anyone been in this situation ?

You only get one life, don’t live your life being unhappy trying to please others. Embrace the way you feel and do what’s best for you, yes it will be hard but my friend went through the same situation a couple of years ago, she split up from her husband and came out and she is now very happy. Your children will understand when older. I always thought of my husband turned out Gay I would never hold it against him.

I'm sorry but I feel for your husband. If you knew you were gay why get married?

Speak to your GP. Get some support.

You need to find a way of leaving your husband. It’s not fair on him or the kids for you to stay in such an unhappy relationship. As the previous poster said, you only get one life. You need to start putting your own happiness first so that you can be a better parent to your children.

You need to leave. It's horribly unfair to your dh and he deserves to be happy as much as you do.
Sneaking around behind his back isn't acceptable.

Why can't you see a way out? Just end the marriage, one of you moves out, split everything and figure out when to see the children. It's not rocket science.

You do realise that you are frittering your husbands life away while he could have been in a relationship with someone who actually loves him?

I have always been in denial about being gay - when I was younger being gay was not as acceptable as it is now and my family would totally freak. This was my first lesbian experience and it was like a light bulb moment, I did love my husband when we got married but now realise I have been living a lie. I know the right thing to do would be to leave him go so he can be happy with someone who can give him 100%. The sad thing is I sometimes wish he would have an affair which would make it easier for me to leave. I know I need to grow a pair and do the right thing and deep down I know the kids will be fine .....just super scared

Why can’t you see a way out OP? Are you fiercely against divorce? Do you not have the financial means to set up on your own?

I haven't even considered my financial means I do work full time - my husband is the main earner. I think at the moment even though I am unhappy we are comfortable financially. I'm 41 and the prospect of starting again scares me - my husband would also be devastated. I know what the right thing to do is - its just plucking up the courage. I know for a fact that if I'm still with my husband for the next ten years I will regret it as I would have wasted both our lives. I don't even know where to start with regards to divorce/separation or even what my rights are .....clueless