When you can’t move on

[LuluBellaBlue]

What happens if you just can’t move on from someone?
I was with someone for 5 years, living together and engaged. We broke up 2010 under differcult circumstances.
(I was unknowingly suffering from severe PTSD and as a result had alcohol / drug problems)
He immediately met someone else, within a month and they were together ever since.

3 weeks ago he messaged me out of the blue after not hearing from him for 9 years. Turns out they’ve split up and by the looks of things he’s now single.

I’ve been dating someone for 4 months who I thought might be the one for me, however all of these feelings for my ex have come flooding back.
It’s like we only broke up yesterday
I realise that ex and I probably wouldn’t work out now and I have no idea if he’d even be interested, I think he’s moved well on since me and new person was better looking etc.

But what I can’t get over is remembering how in love we were, how much I adored him. The fun and love we shared. Even 4/5 years in I’d still be so excited to see him every day, loved just the smell of him.

It’s like I’m pining after that feeling but not sure I’ll ever have it again....
has anyone else felt this way? Sorry for the ramble!

I really think you need to end things with your boyfriend because you are having feelings about this ex which are very strong, I wouldn't want to be kept in a relationship while someone worked out whether they wanted to get back with their ex or not.....

In my experience, going back never works out well but there's also the thing if you don't try you'll never know.

I wish you all the luck and hope it works out but do the kind thing and end things with your current partner as you have such strong feelings for your ex x

No point hurting current bf if nothing comes of it.

It's unlikely to work out.

We all have the one that got away.

Maybe some unfinished business.

I’d never do anything to hurt current boyfriend and wouldn’t meet him without pre telling boyf. I’ve already told him that ex had been in touch and we spoke.

It’s hard as I agree / see the point that every poster is making.
If nothing else it’s made me realise that current boyf definitely isn’t the one or else I wouldn’t even be thinking about ex.
What’s so frustrating is I’ve been single on and off for 9 years, it gets a few months in and I realise they’re not for me - but genuinely was starting to think this guy could be ‘the one’ and then ex shows up!!

Maybe I just need to be single again for another few years

What if the poster was a man? Would we all be so encouraging and understanding????

Life isn’t black and white unfortunately and OP clearly isn’t some callous woman set on cheating on her current bf is she. Stuff like this is hard to navigate sometimes.

Thank you @Confused866 your understanding and compassion to a stranger on the Internet means a lot, I’m already feeling awful and guilty. Like I’ve let my current partner on when I genuinely did think I had those feelings for him

OP my advice would be the same for a man or woman in your situation. Think about it and then meet him for coffee to catch up. Then decide what to do. I wouldn't dump your current boyfriend simply because an ex has contacted you, unless of course you definitely have no interest in him.

Tbh I dont think you will necessarily come out well from the situation with your ex, it sounds like you are really smitten with him. I've had a couple of boyfriends where I've felt like that and then wasted years waiting/missing them/accepting crumbs because it suited them and their ego to have me on a string. I wouldn't do it again, no matter how much it hurts, if he doesnt treat you well and have the same feelings then move on and find someone who does.

Thanks @PuffinSock some good points.

Really not sure I could meet the ex without telling current partner but also not going to finish with him on a whim.
Yes, I do worry the feelings are one sided but until we meet I don’t know.
We were both completely committed and in love for our relationship and he treated me brilliantly so we certainly don’t have a history of him only offering me crumbs or me waiting around for him (I have however been there with other people so totally get this!!)

I would feel hideous if my current boyf met with an ex who was single.
When I was with my ex he met his ex but she was happily married so I didn't mind.

However I also think he is the past and leave it there.
However much you may now feel excited.