Is it me?

[pinkcomb]

I've been with my partner nearly 4 years .The last 2 months we have been living together..Something happened recently that made me question his parenting skills .In the past I would never say anything it's not my place .They're his boys ,but now living together it's effecting me .We had a brief chat where I tactfully mentioned that maybe he didn't handle a situation rather shut it down , but proceeded to rant at me how it was because they were teenagers.I'd like to just say I have 3 .I'm not finger pointing, but it feels his boys have no boundaries.They are lovely I like to add .No issues there with me .Anyway I couldn't deal with the fallout ... silent treatment on his part .I apologised for maybe making him feel inadequate, but wasn't sorry for what I said .Sorry the help I'm asking for is . I was at work yesterday.When I came home .He'd moved all his stuff out .No words No warning No text nothing .I'm completely numb by this .Please advice .Thank you .

OK, can you advise further on what happened between him and his boys?

Good grief, what a shock. Unless you said something horrible it sounds like a massive overreaction. Does he have form for drama?

Sounds like you have been living with 4 teens tbh.
If he can abruptly change his dc's living arrangements without a discussion it seems you were right to question his parenting abilities.
Lucky escape springs to mind
..

Writing it seems pathetic.The youngest lad was round a friends .When dad went to collect them both (3/4 hour journey) .Dad rang his son to say if he was coming .He said no catch you next time .No problem from Dad .Mum storms out demanding he should drive round there pick him up & take him also .Walk in the house the lad is not happy ( understandably) but kinda spends the evening goading his Dad .I really hope this makes sense .

Sounds like there are other issues he isn't sure about. Either that or he's just really stroppy? If he's like that I think it would've shown up before.

@Interestedwoman .You are correct in your way of thinking.Something did happen a while ago .Nothing horrendous, but we weren't really getting on .Rather then nip it in the bud he went awol .When he came back .I just remember him wanting me to be accountable for how I was .Which I did .Thinking back he never did .

Is there tension elsewhere in your relationship?

Hi @TheTickingTime , no nothing I'm aware of .That's why I'm really struggling with what he's done .

I feel I'm being punished .

You are being punished, it's exactly what he is doing. If he comes back, they always do, what are you going to do?

I feel I'm being punished

OK... do you want to be in a relationship with someone who 'punishes' you for what they believe to be transgressions on your part?

You've had a reprieve - see this for what it is: a lucky escape.

I appreciate the listening ear .My head is saying this is not right , but my heart is saying different.Maybe I'm still in shock .

The tears aren't helping I'm annoyed at myself for letting this happen to me .

Can I have a handhold please .I don't know what to do .Are there any of you that have been through a similar experience? I.e had someone pack their bags leave without saying anything.

This is a way of controlling you.

It’s saying “You disagree with me and this is what happens”.

Are you sure you want to continue a relationship with someone who does this after four years together?

My exH would do this but he wouldn’t take his stuff but he’d stay away for a week with no contact with me or the dc.

It’s partly why he’s an ex.

I think he's done you the biggest favour of your life. Don't be daft enough to allow him back.

@MonsterMashedSpud @Aquamarine1029
Thank you both .I know your right .Just had a wobble .xx

Of course you've have a wobble, op! Who could blame you? What he has done is vicious and totally unacceptable. I'm very sorry he's put you through this, but at least now you know for certain what kind of man he really is.

Withholding communication, and then leaving without telling you, is an act of aggression.

When relationships end it is possible to be open, discuss the next step, so (even if there is anger and pain and rows) everyone knows what’s happening.

What he’s done is controlling and cruel and designed to wound you. It’s vindictive. You are so much better off now he’s fucked off OP.

Hang in there - the shock and distress will pass

I'm not surprised you're shocked and upset, OP. What he's done is unforgiveable and cruel. It also seems way over the top in relation to what actually happened.

Onwards and upwards. Not all men are like this. One day I hope you find a good, kind man who will appreciate you for all your good qualities.

He has spat his dummy out in the most dramatic way. Don't pander to this sort of behaviour. Let him go. If he's prepared to end things over something so trivial then he's not that invested in your relationship. Bullet dodged.

I can see you're very unhappy OP.

But the best thing for you is for him to stay away.

Sorry you're having such a rubbish time.