Divorce papers being served this week, shitting myself!!!

[Mysty83]

I've tried to end things with my husband before but backed out as he made life difficult and made me feel so guilty. Im on holiday without him this week and he is going to be served divorce papers tomorrow or tues. I just couldn't do it whilst living in the house with him so this felt like the only way. He is emotionally abusive but sometimes i wonder if hes that bad - bad enough to break the family up. He makes me pretty miserable a lot of the time but I read some horror stories on here and it makes me think maybe it's just me! I even did the online freedom programme but it made me feel worse, like I should be grateful he isnt as horrible as some of the stories on there! I really dont want to back out this time but I feel sick for what's to come and the thought of returning home to him. Just wanting a handhold and encouragement it will be ok!

Well done.

What is your plan for when you return home? Do you have to stay there?

Children? Work?

Stay strong. You deserve to be happy.

To get a divorce you do not have to prove your spouse is worse than someone else's. Your situation 'just' has to be bad enough for you to want a divorce. It's not a competition on bad spouses. If there is no love, no trust, no joy, but lots of fear and misery that is a good enough reason to step away permanently from the relationship.

Things may be rough initially - have you got plans in place ?

Thanks both. We have 2 kids 1&3. He wont sell the house as doesnt want to break up hence why I have to divorce to force a sale. I'll have to live there until it sells which will be hell but no choice.
Yeah he makes out I should be grateful because he doesnt hit me, isnt an alcoholic, cooks the odd meal etc, but it doesnt make him a great husband and he fails me in lots of other ways. I do work 4 days a week, money will be tight but hopefully we can make it. I just know he is going to make me feel very guilty and use every emotional blackmail card in the book, I've always given in in the past but I need to see it through this time! Xx

Get a plan together. Is there a spare room and a lock and some place you can feel safe at home?

Abusive partners can become very unstable once they know the life they have isn't going to remain. My ex was emotionally abusive and an alcoholic and i tried many times to tell him I was leaving.

As I stopped trying (to follow his rules) his behaviour got worse and I nearly got my wish that he would hurt me (because then it is real then and not just what he could say was in my mind).

So have a plan - I had friends who knew something bad was going on and I had a spare key to a friends house hidden in my handbag.

Thank you, I dont think he will be physical but maybe I'm being naive. My parents know everything so worst case I can go there but they live 40 mins away so would mean up routing nurseries etc and I dont feel I should be the one to have to leave. I just feel so sad for my kids and it's going to be a really confusing time for them -both still living together but not doing anything together. My 3 year old often asks if we can all go out (which I would happily do but he wont be amicable) and I feel like I have to make excuses why that cant happen.I just want my own space and to move forward but it feels like years off that happening if he drags his feet like I think he will 😏xx

Well at least you have been brave enough to take the first step. You've petitioned him for divorce. The ball is in motion now. Good luck to you.

How did you get on??
In a similar situation.. the guilt is a killer hope you’re okay! Xx