What now?

[Hidingfromhim]

Ive been speaking to a guy for a number of weeks and met up with him 2 weeks ago when we ended up having sex. Following the sex I got very uncomfortable due to having previously been assaulted, I shouldn't have let it go so far but I felt comfortable with it at the time.
Said guy has gotten annoyed at my insecurity following the sex and I ended up blurting out what had happened previously. I knew I would have to tell him at some point but it is difficult to talk about and it didn't come out the way I had planned.
Is there any coming back from this as I wouldn't have slept with him if I didn't like him and feel comfortable with him?

OP you are perfectly entitled to feel however you feel. Sexual relationships are difficult when you’re dealing with past abuse.
How did your insecurity manifest itself though, did he feel blamed or responsible for doing something wrong? If he’s behaved badly I’m not defending him but it must have been a shock however he was told.
Maybe you’re not ready for a relationship and there’s nothing at all wrong with that

The insecurity was just looking for some reassurance that it wasn't a one off although I didn't ask the question directly.
I made it clear before I came out with the reason that it was nothing that he had done that was making me feel the way I did.
I had hoped to tell him face to face but it ended up having to be via a message.

How was he when you told him? Supportive?

I’m sorry you were abused in the past but, to be honest, that may be too much to deal with for someone who barely knows you.

You want reassurances that this was not just a one off, but abuse or no abuse, asking for that reassurances would be too much too early for most people.

I would say that you are perhaps not yet ready for a relationship. You need to be happy and confident on yourself otherwise all goes pear shaped.

In a sense, he acknowledged that it was a shit situation.
But I think he was also a little annoyed, not so much at the fact I'd told him more that I had tried to explain why I had been so insecure while dancing around the bigger issue.
Hes said to keep in touch but to leave anything else for now so I'm really quite confused.

That is just a way to let you go kindly. I don’t think you will hear back from him. This, as I said, has nothing to do with your past experiences but the fact you asked him to reassure you you both were in a “relationship” after just one date.

Try not to think too much about it, when it comes to OLD , we all have done or said things that may have scared other people off. We all carry our own baggage, everybody decides how much of other people’s baggage they want to carry as well.

OP well done you for trying to get back into dating after your past experience of assault. Sometimes you don’t know your reaction to doing this till it happens.

I’d say that if you both got on well on the first date (other than the sex) and depending on what you are both looking for, it rather depends on his reaction to your disclosure, and whether he is supportive or dismissive. If the latter, then perhaps he’s not for you?

Good luck

OK no I didn't ask him for reassurance that it was a relationship more that it wasn't just a one night stand.
No OLD I'm not cut out for that, we met in person but this was the first time we had met following that.

Ahh just seen your update...agree with Idiot

OLD is tough...I’m just about to go out on a second date with someone I’m not sure about 🤷‍♀️. At least you’ve done the sex thing with a guy, and hopefully enjoyed it 😀.

You won’t hear from him again. Asking him for reassurance after one date is needy and clingy. Nobody likes that. Your explanation to him won’t make any difference I don’t think.
Maybe you are just not ready yet. You’ll get far more out of dating when you can be more self confident. When you’re not relying on the date to make your life better. I’m sorry to say if I were him I’d run a mile. And it’s nothing to do with explanations of why you behaved like that, it that you did. Sorry. Take some time and be kind to yourself

Thanks guys I thought as much.
I'm a very open person and I'm not saying everyone should be to the extent I am but there is nothing wrong with being clear and honest!

Yes, there is nothing wrong with being clear and honest, but there is a time for it. I carry more baggage than Heathrow, but I try to allow people to get to know me well and make their mind of who I am before talking about my issues. If you talk about the issues at the start, you are defined by those issues, while if you do it later, people understand that there’s is far more to you than whatever negative experience you may had in the past.