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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The white stuff

7 replies

Needstrength2019 · 27/10/2019 08:43

Hi. I'm new here. I've just got up and found a bag of coke (I think) he was out yesterday and came home in a state. It's not the first time. We have a DC and I said it happens again and he's out. So now it looks like I need to end it, am I doing the right thing ? I detest drugs but he's somehow got me thinking it's not that bad. But really it is what if DC had found it. I'm going to destroy my boys world. I'm so scared.

OP posts:
category12 · 27/10/2019 08:53

Well no, he's "destroying" the relationship by knowing your boundaries and crossing them anyway.

The trouble with ultimatums is you have to be ready to follow through.

TheStuffedPenguin · 27/10/2019 08:55

No HE has destroyed your family unit but not your son's lives . The best thing you can do for them is to walk away from this man . He needs to move out and get himself clean . Only then can he be a proper father.

Chocolate123 · 27/10/2019 08:57

Of course you are doing the right thing by ending it. This behaviour will continue if you don't. You and your children deserve better

Fleetheart · 27/10/2019 08:58

Not only is he doing this; he’s made the choice to do it after an ultimatum. So he has chosen this. I would end it to be honest. It certainly won’t improve if you don’t.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 27/10/2019 09:01

flush it down the loo OP...get rid of it and then you need to sit down and have a chat.I get recreational drug use but sadly in most cases it never stays recreational.Coke is really habit forming and his response when looking for it will tell you everything you need to know as to how far he is reliant on it.It can be sorted but sadly not by you...he needs to wise up and realise you have boundaries.If he cannot respect them then he has to go.If he chooses Coke over you and the kids then nothing you say or do can alter that sadly.

TheUnquestionedAnswer · 27/10/2019 09:06

How is he funding his habit? About 15 years back, a friend of mine discovered that her husband who was in quite a high profile management job (so you would think he would be able to afford it), was taking coke, and was in debt to the tune of 60k. His parents bailed him out...wife kicked him out. Her kids were 6 and 4. Didn't want them around a cokehead.

quincejamplease · 27/10/2019 09:07

Haven't you posted before about this?

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